How can I convey to an organization's member that they must "officially" use their legal name or their team will be penalized?

Question

Someone submitted something to me with their full name as William "James" Smith. It is required to use their legal name. I continued to use the name "William" on other documentation but William asked me if I could use James instead since everyone calls him James and he uses James for everything apart from legal documents like birth certificate, etc. For my purposes I am required to use their legal name. I told him this and he would not accept that, saying how he uses James everywhere. Perhaps seeing that I wasn't going to accept James, he said that it was a privacy issue and he did not want other people to know his real name.

I have no issue calling this person "James" (and yes these are all made up names) and in fact had been calling him "James" all day. This is for a sports organization. While it is not a government agency or anything, there is a national governing body that has official policies such as this.

The name in the system shows up on rosters, score sheets, rankings, etc. and this is where the person's name would be visible to others. We turn in the score sheets after each game to the national headquarters and if the name differs from what's in the system, the team is penalized.

Sure it's a sport, sure it's an extracurricular hobby, sure it's for fun but this is actually a small business for me and I have to adhere to the national policies. Additionally, I'd think it wouldn't look good to make exceptions for some people and not for others.

I've since talked to the national headquarters and they reminded me that the policy is to use the legal name. They made a small compromise, putting his name in the system as "William James" and informed me that if we turn in score sheets that say James Smith, the team would not be penalized. (EDIT Forgot to mention that the rosters and rankings will now show "William James Smith", but the score sheets we submit may say just James Smith, i.e. the William part will still be visible to others in some aspects)

I did not know how to react because I certainly want to respect people's privacies especially if there is truly an issue.

However, I felt that using the privacy issue was a lie to try to persuade me to get what he wanted. For example, his email address contains "William" in it and he has 2 Facebook profiles: one as James Jordan and another as William Smith. It's not difficult to find the William Smith profile.

How do you react so as to not look like you disrespect people's privacy issues but you think that the privacy issue does not actually apply to the situation?

Follow-up Question: Was it even appropriate to ask the national headquarters? I already knew the policy and was fairly certain they would not make an exception. Does asking headquarters and furthermore letting James know that I tried asking headquarters only encourage them to come up with farfetched/implausible excuses because now I look gullible?

Answer 1

This sounds like a situation that could be simply resolved with a:

Sorry the rules are the rules. The organization is willing to make this concession .... , but if you want anything more than that, you'll have to take it up with them.

The reasons for wanting to use a different name don't really matter in this case, and it doesn't sound like you have the authority to change the rules regardless of the reasons. So just be upfront about that.

Asking headquarters is just due diligence. Again his reasons don't really matter, no matter how far fetched they may seem to you.

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As a side note... Using an alternate name for privacy reasons isn't all that uncommon. Most of us do it on this site, I'm guessing that "superstar" isn't your legal name? I don't use my legal name at work beyond the necessary pay and tax paperwork. While it may seem odd to you, it really isn't uncommon.

Answer 2

While "the rules are the rules" may work for some, it may not with someone who seems intent on getting things the way they want.

I used to take part in an amateur pool league (APA) and they had similar rules but they had a specific reason for it. If your team performed well and went to the nationals competition in Las Vegas, they needed your name on the member sheets to match up with your official ID - driver's license, passport, etc or else they wouldn't let you play in competition because you could not prove that you were the person who was actually on the team. So, if you wanted to go to Vegas and win a bunch of money and prizes, you'd have to register with your "official" name as it appears on your ID.

You don't say what sport or league you're in so I don't know that there's a similar consideration but as a person who likes to understand why the rules are the way they are, I'd be more willing to accept an explanation like the one above than "that's just the way it is".

I think that you've done a commendable job in trying to find a middle ground and I'm sorry that this member doesn't seem willing to accept this. Hopefully there is an explanation of the policy that will assuage him.

This means that, if you don't know how to explain the reasoning, asking your local contact or the national one for an explanation is actually the right thing to do. That's usually part of why they exist - to answer these sorts of questions, so don't feel bad about reaching out to them.

Unfortunately, if you have an explanation of why this rule exists, you've found a reasonable accommodation, and he's still not willing to accept it... You may have to acknowledge that his best option may be to leave the group if privacy really is a concern for him.

Answer 3

Just because a naming convention is required on an official document does not prevent you from using a different name while speaking to them. There is reason many documents have a space for "known aliases".

Use the official name when have to fill out forms or other official materials, but when you are speaking to him use his preferred name. Regardless of the reason, I don't see a reason why you shouldn't respect this request.

ETA after update

If you have gone through all this effort to try to manage this person's request it would be perfectly inline to inform them of what effort you have done and what accommodations are willing to be made.

If after all the effort on your part, "William" is still not satisfied, I would question their true intent and motivations. If they continue you to pester you about using a different name once you have explained all of this, it is time to disengage and move on. Do not cause yourself undue stress to pander to someone who is unwilling to compromise.

Answer 4

Here are the current options on the table:

1. Tell him about the compromise you got from HQ. If he still doesn't believe you, give him their phone number and tell him who you spoke to.

2. Show him how he can change his name legally (this will vary on jurisdiction and if he's a minor and has his parents permissions).

3. If he's an immigrant with a foreign name (unreadable to most Americans). Offer him to use that name assuming he has an id with it. Or if he has a middle name that he hasn't told you about yet, maybe that could be used too.

4. Tell him he has the option to leave (unfortunately, depending on his reasons this may come to that, if he has two different girlfriends for instance that do not know about each other, your league may only be of secondary concern to him).

Answer 5

So it's this guys right to his own name vs. faceless bureaucracy.

I'll just make your head explode by telling you that my legal name is not the name in my birth certificate, passport, or driving license. And that this is absolutely not unusual where I come from.

So if you use the wrong name (the one in my passport), that's not a privacy issue, it's an attack against my identity. If you insist on it, I consider it deeply insulting. In some cases there is bureaucracy that I cannot beat. Otherwise, I will do whatever I can to beat the system.

Answer 6

People are not 1 dimensional. We usually have multiple motivations behind any given opinion or action.

you may be right. When he says he has "privacy issues" it may be a lie. Or it could also be that he has multiple reasons that he wants to be called James, and that even though privacy is one of the less important reasons to him he thought it would be an effective reason to convince you.

In any relationship you can choose to be a tyrant, a slave, or you can negotiate.
-Jordan Peterson, paraphrased

If you look at your relationship with this person as a negotiation, you are losing a lot by refusing to call him by his preferred name. I'm sure you have your reasons but I suspect that interpersonally in this instance you are losing more than you gain.