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I'd like to jump in and explicitly address the less concrete part of your question. The answers here for how you tell her are spot on, and at their heart, you 1. pretend you neither know nor care about your perception of her as spoiled, 2. remember that you love her and are genuinely happy for her, and 3. tell her as honestly as you can, focusing on your logistical issues and not her decisions.:

  1. pretend you neither know nor care about your perception of her as spoiled,
  2. remember that you love her and are genuinely happy for her, and
  3. tell her as honestly as you can, focusing on your logistical issues and not her decisions.

The other part, though, is "without making her angry/defensive." You can't control her reaction. It's neither feasible for you nor fair for her. If she takes those feelings out on you, you can say, "I'm sorry we can't manage the trip. I don't want to be talked to like that, so let's talk about it another time. I want to be able to share your happiness, not argue."

I'm sorry we can't manage the trip. I don't want to be talked to like that, so let's talk about it another time. I want to be able to share your happiness, not argue.

I hope the conversation goes better than you fear.

I'd like to jump in and explicitly address the less concrete part of your question. The answers here for how you tell her are spot on, and at their heart, you 1. pretend you neither know nor care about your perception of her as spoiled, 2. remember that you love her and are genuinely happy for her, and 3. tell her as honestly as you can, focusing on your logistical issues and not her decisions.

The other part, though, is "without making her angry/defensive." You can't control her reaction. It's neither feasible for you nor fair for her. If she takes those feelings out on you, you can say, "I'm sorry we can't manage the trip. I don't want to be talked to like that, so let's talk about it another time. I want to be able to share your happiness, not argue." I hope the conversation goes better than you fear.

I'd like to jump in and explicitly address the less concrete part of your question. The answers here for how you tell her are spot on, and at their heart, you:

  1. pretend you neither know nor care about your perception of her as spoiled,
  2. remember that you love her and are genuinely happy for her, and
  3. tell her as honestly as you can, focusing on your logistical issues and not her decisions.

The other part, though, is "without making her angry/defensive." You can't control her reaction. It's neither feasible for you nor fair for her. If she takes those feelings out on you, you can say,

I'm sorry we can't manage the trip. I don't want to be talked to like that, so let's talk about it another time. I want to be able to share your happiness, not argue.

I hope the conversation goes better than you fear.

1
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I'd like to jump in and explicitly address the less concrete part of your question. The answers here for how you tell her are spot on, and at their heart, you 1. pretend you neither know nor care about your perception of her as spoiled, 2. remember that you love her and are genuinely happy for her, and 3. tell her as honestly as you can, focusing on your logistical issues and not her decisions.

The other part, though, is "without making her angry/defensive." You can't control her reaction. It's neither feasible for you nor fair for her. If she takes those feelings out on you, you can say, "I'm sorry we can't manage the trip. I don't want to be talked to like that, so let's talk about it another time. I want to be able to share your happiness, not argue." I hope the conversation goes better than you fear.