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It seems from your question that you are not at all judgemental of this person. You already have a good understanding of why this person behaves as they do (their background, culture etc) and your concern is how others will view this. This is helpful, because you have already separated the person from their behaviour, and the key to tackling the subject without it being an attack on them as a person is to isolate and focus what you say on their actions or behaviour.

I do have some experience with a former colleague who used a lot of profanity which seemed to come from their choice of subculture. I observed that he could control it, but only in formal settings. He wasn't at all offended when I asked him not to swear, but because he was relaxed around me he couldn't stick to it; yet in an informala formal setting such as a job interview he could control it without problem. It may be similar with your friend - he will almost certainly be able to control his speech, it is all down to whether or not he wants to or thinks he has to within this setting.

If you go about confronting him this way, it may be that he promises to make the necessary changes in his language. Whether he can or not is anybody's guess - you know him best and have hinted that this is very deeply ingrained. Still, if his language is as bad as you say, until someone tackles this with him and he even tries to make a change he is seriously limiting his social circle.

You could try saying to him:

I'm concerned because some of the players I want to invite to the game will be offended by profanities, and you do use a lot of profanity in your speech. As Game Master I am responsible for the game and if they are offended then that reflects on me. I don't feel that I can invite you if you do use that kind of language, unless you really think that you can control it?

If he becomes offended at this he may not even want to come to your game, which answers the question of can he control himself and solves your problem.

If he protests that he ought to be able to swear as much as he likes, just repeat your stance with this consequence:

It isn't anything personal, it is just that others don't find that kind of language acceptable and I can't have people offended at my games. I'm sorry I can't include you on this occasion.

If he does come to the game on the promise of cleaning up his speech but the profanities come tumbling out anyway, he may well apologise on his own behalf, knowing that he may have caused offence. If this happens you may get a true insight into whether or not the other players are offended by his language. It is possible they are more relaxed about it than you imagine!

But the bottom line is this: it is a private function, you are the organiser, everybody is there by invitation and you are completely in your right to make rules. This doesn't make you judgemental. If you have told him in advance what your expectations are and he does not meet them then you are in your right to either (a) ask him to leave immediately, or (b) just not invite him in future without any further explanation.

It seems from your question that you are not at all judgemental of this person. You already have a good understanding of why this person behaves as they do (their background, culture etc) and your concern is how others will view this. This is helpful, because you have already separated the person from their behaviour, and the key to tackling the subject without it being an attack on them as a person is to isolate and focus what you say on their actions or behaviour.

I do have some experience with a former colleague who used a lot of profanity which seemed to come from their choice of subculture. I observed that he could control it, but only in formal settings. He wasn't at all offended when I asked him not to swear, but because he was relaxed around me he couldn't stick to it; yet in an informal setting such as a job interview he could control it without problem. It may be similar with your friend - he will almost certainly be able to control his speech, it is all down to whether or not he wants to or thinks he has to within this setting.

If you go about confronting him this way, it may be that he promises to make the necessary changes in his language. Whether he can or not is anybody's guess - you know him best and have hinted that this is very deeply ingrained. Still, if his language is as bad as you say, until someone tackles this with him and he even tries to make a change he is seriously limiting his social circle.

You could try saying to him:

I'm concerned because some of the players I want to invite to the game will be offended by profanities, and you do use a lot of profanity in your speech. As Game Master I am responsible for the game and if they are offended then that reflects on me. I don't feel that I can invite you if you do use that kind of language, unless you really think that you can control it?

If he becomes offended at this he may not even want to come to your game, which answers the question of can he control himself and solves your problem.

If he protests that he ought to be able to swear as much as he likes, just repeat your stance with this consequence:

It isn't anything personal, it is just that others don't find that kind of language acceptable and I can't have people offended at my games. I'm sorry I can't include you on this occasion.

If he does come to the game on the promise of cleaning up his speech but the profanities come tumbling out anyway, he may well apologise on his own behalf, knowing that he may have caused offence. If this happens you may get a true insight into whether or not the other players are offended by his language. It is possible they are more relaxed about it than you imagine!

But the bottom line is this: it is a private function, you are the organiser, everybody is there by invitation and you are completely in your right to make rules. This doesn't make you judgemental. If you have told him in advance what your expectations are and he does not meet them then you are in your right to either (a) ask him to leave immediately, or (b) just not invite him in future without any further explanation.

It seems from your question that you are not at all judgemental of this person. You already have a good understanding of why this person behaves as they do (their background, culture etc) and your concern is how others will view this. This is helpful, because you have already separated the person from their behaviour, and the key to tackling the subject without it being an attack on them as a person is to isolate and focus what you say on their actions or behaviour.

I do have some experience with a former colleague who used a lot of profanity which seemed to come from their choice of subculture. I observed that he could control it, but only in formal settings. He wasn't at all offended when I asked him not to swear, but because he was relaxed around me he couldn't stick to it; yet in a formal setting such as a job interview he could control it without problem. It may be similar with your friend - he will almost certainly be able to control his speech, it is all down to whether or not he wants to or thinks he has to within this setting.

If you go about confronting him this way, it may be that he promises to make the necessary changes in his language. Whether he can or not is anybody's guess - you know him best and have hinted that this is very deeply ingrained. Still, if his language is as bad as you say, until someone tackles this with him and he even tries to make a change he is seriously limiting his social circle.

You could try saying to him:

I'm concerned because some of the players I want to invite to the game will be offended by profanities, and you do use a lot of profanity in your speech. As Game Master I am responsible for the game and if they are offended then that reflects on me. I don't feel that I can invite you if you do use that kind of language, unless you really think that you can control it?

If he becomes offended at this he may not even want to come to your game, which answers the question of can he control himself and solves your problem.

If he protests that he ought to be able to swear as much as he likes, just repeat your stance with this consequence:

It isn't anything personal, it is just that others don't find that kind of language acceptable and I can't have people offended at my games. I'm sorry I can't include you on this occasion.

If he does come to the game on the promise of cleaning up his speech but the profanities come tumbling out anyway, he may well apologise on his own behalf, knowing that he may have caused offence. If this happens you may get a true insight into whether or not the other players are offended by his language. It is possible they are more relaxed about it than you imagine!

But the bottom line is this: it is a private function, you are the organiser, everybody is there by invitation and you are completely in your right to make rules. This doesn't make you judgemental. If you have told him in advance what your expectations are and he does not meet them then you are in your right to either (a) ask him to leave immediately, or (b) just not invite him in future without any further explanation.

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It seems from your question that you are not at all judgemental of this person. You already have a good understanding of why this person behaves as they do (their background, culture etc) and your concern is how others will view this. This is helpful, because you have already separated the person from their behaviour, and the key to tackling the subject without it being an attack on them as a person is to isolate and focus what you say on their actions or behaviour.

I do have some experience with a former colleague who used a lot of profanity which seemed to come from their choice of subculture. I observed that he could control it, but only in formal settings. He wasn't at all offended when I asked him not to swear, but because he was relaxed around me he couldn't stick to it; yet in an informal setting such as a job interview he could control it without problem. It may be similar with your friend - he will almost certainly be able to control his speech, it is all down to whether or not he wants to or thinks he has to within this setting.

If you go about confronting him this way, it may be that he promises to make the necessary changes in his language. Whether he can or not is anybody's guess - you know him best and have hinted that this is very deeply ingrained. Still, if his language is as bad as you say, until someone tackles this with him and he even tries to make a change he is seriously limiting his social circle.

You could try saying to him:

I'm concerned because some of the players I want to invite to the game will be offended by profanities, and you do use a lot of profanity in your speech. As Game Master I am responsible for the game and if they are offended then that reflects on me. I don't feel that I can invite you if you do use that kind of language, unless you really think that you can control it?

If he becomes offended at this he may not even want to come to your game, which answers the question of can he control himself and solves your problem.

If he protests that he ought to be able to swear as much as he likes, just repeat your stance with this consequence:

It isn't anything personal, it is just that others don't find that kind of language acceptable and I can't have people offended at my games. I'm sorry I can't include you on this occasion.

If he does come to the game on the promise of cleaning up his speech but the profanities come tumbling out anyway, he may well apologise on his own behalf, knowing that he may have caused offence. If this happens you may get a true insight into whether or not the other players are offended by his language. It is possible they are more relaxed about it than you imagine!

But the bottom line is this: it is a private function, you are the organiser, everybody is there by invitation and you are completely in your right to make rules. This doesn't make you judgemental. If you have told him in advance what your expectations are and he does not meet them then you are in your right to either (a) ask him to leave immediately, or (b) just not invite him in future without any further explanation.