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Coming from a similar culture from Portugal and even being of an older generation, I can perfectly affirm the behavior described is pretty much abusive and appalling even by our relaxed Iberian standards.

I would not tolerate people putting in risk my physical integrity with a dog, or actually giving far much more importance to a dog than me, and certainly not rummaging through my personal belongings, even less in my own house (please, do tell me she has not a key to your apartment). It also not kosher at all you do not have any rights at all, because "you are not family". I would pack my things and go.

Furthermore, the bigger problem here is that your boyfriend never established boundaries with his family and affirmed himself, and as such he is not respected [as an adult].

I had many fights with my family since I was 16 to establish personal boundaries. Even in my 30s I went without talking with my parents for 6 months, because they started being abusive after I ended up a relationship with someone they liked, and started a new relationship with someone else, and I knew they can be mean when they do not like someone, either when they are right or wrong.

IMO, besides yourself, it is up for your boyfriend to be a man and stand up for you if he is a worthy partner.

As others advice, I would keep my distance from his family, but I would also have a very serious talk with him. He needs to stop being a boy and start behaving like a man.

Lastly, as for people often trying to get your nerves using others as a proxy (e.g. your boyfriend), it is quite easy to solve. "If they are not talking directly to me, I do not want to know about it." Used quite effectively this line over the years, both in family and work situations.

Your bf also should have the wisdom to curtail being the messenger of such pettiness, or even tell his mother he is not really that interested in hearing bad comments about yourself.

I would probably keep my distance until xmas, but that is just me.

As for solving the problem, it will have to be your boyfriend dealing with his mother bad behavior and not you, if you do not want to affect your relationship. If he really loves you and wants to keep you both dealing with his family, he will have to make that effort.

PS/comment: When I was younger, I left a relationship with someone mainly because she chose to be all the time with her father rather than with me pretty much when she was not busy. 

If I could regret anything, it would be the relationships opportunities I lost and the time I was alone in weekends and summer holidays over the 10 years we were dating. 

She would tell me that if we married things would be different, I never believed it. 

I would not spend all the weekends withstuck in his place. Lifemother's home - life is short. Young age without much responsibilities goes by very fast, enjoy it while you can. Book some small holidays over several weekends - enjoy taking a ride out of town.

Coming from a similar culture from Portugal and even being of an older generation, I can perfectly affirm the behavior described is pretty much abusive and appalling even by our relaxed Iberian standards.

I would not tolerate people putting in risk my physical integrity with a dog, or actually giving far much more importance to a dog than me, and certainly not rummaging through my personal belongings, even less in my own house (please, do tell me she has not a key to your apartment). It also not kosher at all you do not have any rights at all, because "you are not family". I would pack my things and go.

Furthermore, the bigger problem here is that your boyfriend never established boundaries with his family and affirmed himself, and as such he is not respected [as an adult].

I had many fights with my family since I was 16 to establish personal boundaries. Even in my 30s I went without talking with my parents for 6 months, because they started being abusive after I ended up a relationship with someone they liked, and started a new relationship with someone else, and I knew they can be mean when they do not like someone, either when they are right or wrong.

IMO, besides yourself, it is up for your boyfriend to be a man and stand up for you if he is a worthy partner.

As others advice, I would keep my distance from his family, but I would also have a very serious talk with him. He needs to stop being a boy and start behaving like a man.

Lastly, as for people often trying to get your nerves using others as a proxy (e.g. your boyfriend), it is quite easy to solve. "If they are not talking directly to me, I do not want to know about it." Used quite effectively this line over the years, both in family and work situations.

Your bf also should have the wisdom to curtail being the messenger of such pettiness, or even tell his mother he is not really that interested in hearing bad comments about yourself.

I would probably keep my distance until xmas, but that is just me.

As for solving the problem, it will have to be your boyfriend dealing with his mother bad behavior and not you, if you do not want to affect your relationship. If he really loves you and wants to keep you both dealing with his family, he will have to make that effort.

PS/comment: When I was younger, I left a relationship with someone mainly because she chose to be all the time with her father than with me pretty much when she was not busy. If I could regret anything, it would be the relationships opportunities I lost and the time I was alone in weekends and summer holidays over the 10 years we were dating. She would tell me that if we married things would be different, I never believed it.

I would not spend all the weekends with his place. Life is short. Young age without much responsibilities goes by very fast, enjoy it while you can.

Coming from a similar culture from Portugal and even being of an older generation, I can perfectly affirm the behavior described is pretty much abusive and appalling even by our relaxed Iberian standards.

I would not tolerate people putting in risk my physical integrity with a dog, or actually giving far much more importance to a dog than me, and certainly not rummaging through my personal belongings, even less in my own house (please, do tell me she has not a key to your apartment). It also not kosher at all you do not have any rights at all, because "you are not family". I would pack my things and go.

Furthermore, the bigger problem here is that your boyfriend never established boundaries with his family and affirmed himself, and as such he is not respected [as an adult].

I had many fights with my family since I was 16 to establish personal boundaries. Even in my 30s I went without talking with my parents for 6 months, because they started being abusive after I ended up a relationship with someone they liked, and started a new relationship with someone else, and I knew they can be mean when they do not like someone, either when they are right or wrong.

IMO, besides yourself, it is up for your boyfriend to be a man and stand up for you if he is a worthy partner.

As others advice, I would keep my distance from his family, but I would also have a very serious talk with him. He needs to stop being a boy and start behaving like a man.

Lastly, as for people often trying to get your nerves using others as a proxy (e.g. your boyfriend), it is quite easy to solve. "If they are not talking directly to me, I do not want to know about it." Used quite effectively this line over the years, both in family and work situations.

Your bf also should have the wisdom to curtail being the messenger of such pettiness, or even tell his mother he is not really that interested in hearing bad comments about yourself.

I would probably keep my distance until xmas, but that is just me.

As for solving the problem, it will have to be your boyfriend dealing with his mother bad behavior and not you, if you do not want to affect your relationship. If he really loves you and wants to keep you both dealing with his family, he will have to make that effort.

PS/comment: When I was younger, I left a relationship with someone mainly because she chose to be all the time with her father rather than with me pretty much when she was not busy. 

If I could regret anything, it would be the relationships opportunities I lost and the time I was alone in weekends and summer holidays over the 10 years we were dating. 

She would tell me that if we married things would be different, I never believed it. 

I would not spend all the weekends stuck in his mother's home - life is short. Young age without much responsibilities goes by very fast, enjoy it while you can. Book some small holidays over several weekends - enjoy taking a ride out of town.

12 deleted 1 character in body
source | link

Coming from a similar culture from Portugal and even being of an older generation, I can perfectly affirm the behavior described is pretty much abusive and appalling even by our relaxed Iberian standards.

I would not tolerate people putting in risk my physical integrity with a dog, or actually giving far much more importance to a dog than me, and certainly not rummaging through my personal belongings, even less in my own house (please, do tell me she has not a key to your apartment). It also not kosher at all you do not have any rights at all, because "you are not family". I would pack my things and go.

Furthermore, the bigger problem here is that your boyfriend never established boundaries with his family and affirmed himself, and as such he is not respected [as an adult].

I had many fights with my family since I was 16 to establish personal boundaries. Even in my 30s I went without talking with my parents for 6 months, because they started being abusive after I ended up a relationship with someone they liked, and started a new relationship with someone else, and I knew they can be mean when they do not like someone, either when they are right or wrong.

IMO, besides yourself, it is up for your boyfriend to be a man and stand up for you if he is a worthy partner.

As others advice, I would keep my distance from his family, but I would also have a very serious talk with him. He needs to stop being a boy and start behaving like a man.

Lastly, as for people often trying to get your nerves using others as a proxy (e.g. your boyfriend), it is quite easy to solve. "If they are not talking directly to me, I do not want to know about it." Used quite effectively this line over the years, eitherboth in family orand work situations.

Your bf also should have the wisdom to curtail being the messenger of such pettiness, or even tell his mother he is not really that interested in hearing bad comments about yourself.

I would probably keep my distance until xmas, but that is just me.

As for solving the problem, it will have to be your boyfriend dealing with his mother bad behavior and not you, if you do not want to affect your relationship. If he really loves you and wants to keep you both dealing with his family, he will have to make that effort.

PS/comment: When I was younger, I left a relationship with someone mainly because she chose to be all the time with her father than with me pretty much when she was not busy. If I could regret anything, it would be the relationships opportunities I lost and the time I was alone in weekends and summer holidays over the 10 years we were dating. She would tell me that if we married things would be different, I never believed it.

I would not spend all the weekends with his place. Life is short. Young age without much responsibilities goes by very fast, enjoy it while you can.

Coming from a similar culture from Portugal and even being of an older generation, I can perfectly affirm the behavior described is pretty much abusive and appalling even by our relaxed Iberian standards.

I would not tolerate people putting in risk my physical integrity with a dog, or actually giving far much more importance to a dog than me, and certainly not rummaging through my personal belongings, even less in my own house (please, do tell me she has not a key to your apartment). It also not kosher at all you do not have any rights at all, because "you are not family". I would pack my things and go.

Furthermore, the bigger problem here is that your boyfriend never established boundaries with his family and affirmed himself, and as such he is not respected [as an adult].

I had many fights with my family since I was 16 to establish personal boundaries. Even in my 30s I went without talking with my parents for 6 months, because they started being abusive after I ended up a relationship with someone they liked, and started a new relationship with someone else, and I knew they can be mean when they do not like someone, either when they are right or wrong.

IMO, besides yourself, it is up for your boyfriend to be a man and stand up for you if he is a worthy partner.

As others advice, I would keep my distance from his family, but I would also have a very serious talk with him. He needs to stop being a boy and start behaving like a man.

Lastly, as for people often trying to get your nerves using others as a proxy (e.g. your boyfriend), it is quite easy to solve. "If they are not talking directly to me, I do not want to know about it." Used quite effectively this line over the years, either in family or work situations.

Your bf also should have the wisdom to curtail being the messenger of such pettiness, or even tell his mother he is not really that interested in hearing bad comments about yourself.

I would probably keep my distance until xmas, but that is just me.

As for solving the problem, it will have to be your boyfriend dealing with his mother bad behavior and not you, if you do not want to affect your relationship. If he really loves you and wants to keep you both dealing with his family, he will have to make that effort.

PS/comment: When I was younger, I left a relationship with someone mainly because she chose to be all the time with her father than with me pretty much when she was not busy. If I could regret anything, it would be the relationships opportunities I lost and the time I was alone over the years we were dating. She would tell me that if we married things would be different, I never believed it.

I would not spend all the weekends with his place. Life is short. Young age without much responsibilities goes by very fast, enjoy it while you can.

Coming from a similar culture from Portugal and even being of an older generation, I can perfectly affirm the behavior described is pretty much abusive and appalling even by our relaxed Iberian standards.

I would not tolerate people putting in risk my physical integrity with a dog, or actually giving far much more importance to a dog than me, and certainly not rummaging through my personal belongings, even less in my own house (please, do tell me she has not a key to your apartment). It also not kosher at all you do not have any rights at all, because "you are not family". I would pack my things and go.

Furthermore, the bigger problem here is that your boyfriend never established boundaries with his family and affirmed himself, and as such he is not respected [as an adult].

I had many fights with my family since I was 16 to establish personal boundaries. Even in my 30s I went without talking with my parents for 6 months, because they started being abusive after I ended up a relationship with someone they liked, and started a new relationship with someone else, and I knew they can be mean when they do not like someone, either when they are right or wrong.

IMO, besides yourself, it is up for your boyfriend to be a man and stand up for you if he is a worthy partner.

As others advice, I would keep my distance from his family, but I would also have a very serious talk with him. He needs to stop being a boy and start behaving like a man.

Lastly, as for people often trying to get your nerves using others as a proxy (e.g. your boyfriend), it is quite easy to solve. "If they are not talking directly to me, I do not want to know about it." Used quite effectively this line over the years, both in family and work situations.

Your bf also should have the wisdom to curtail being the messenger of such pettiness, or even tell his mother he is not really that interested in hearing bad comments about yourself.

I would probably keep my distance until xmas, but that is just me.

As for solving the problem, it will have to be your boyfriend dealing with his mother bad behavior and not you, if you do not want to affect your relationship. If he really loves you and wants to keep you both dealing with his family, he will have to make that effort.

PS/comment: When I was younger, I left a relationship with someone mainly because she chose to be all the time with her father than with me pretty much when she was not busy. If I could regret anything, it would be the relationships opportunities I lost and the time I was alone in weekends and summer holidays over the 10 years we were dating. She would tell me that if we married things would be different, I never believed it.

I would not spend all the weekends with his place. Life is short. Young age without much responsibilities goes by very fast, enjoy it while you can.

11 added 4 characters in body
source | link

Coming from a similar culture from Portugal and even being of an older generation, I can perfectly affirm the behavior described is pretty much abusive and appalling even by our relaxed Iberian standards.

I would not tolerate people putting in risk my physical integrity with a dog, or actually giving far much more importance to a dog than me, and certainly not rummaging through my personal belongings, even less in my own house (please, do tell me she has not a key to your apartment). It also not kosher at all you do not have any rights at all, because "you are not family". I would pack my things and go.

Furthermore, the bigger problem here is that your boyfriend never established boundaries with his family and affirmed himself, and as such he is not respected [as an adult].

I had many fights with my family since I was 16 to establish personal boundaries. Even in my 30s I went without talking with my parents for 6 months, because they started being abusive after I ended up a relationship with someone they liked, and started a new relationship with someone else, and I knew they can be mean when they do not like someone, either when they are right or wrong.

IMO, besides yourself, it is up for your boyfriend to be a man and stand up for you if he is a worthy partner.

As others advice, I would keep my distance from his family, but I would also have a very serious talk with him. He needs to stop being a boy and start behaving like a man.

Lastly, as for people often trying to get your nerves using others as a proxy (e.g. your boyfriend), it is quite easy to solve. "If they are not talking directly to me, I do not want to know about it." Used quite effectively this line over the years, either in family or work situations.

Your bf also should have the wisdom to curtail being the messenger of such pettiness, or even tell his mother he is not really that interested in hearing bad comments about yourself.

I would probably keep my distance until xmas, but that is just me.

As for solving the problem, it will have to be your boyfriend dealing with his mother bad behavior and not you, if you do not want to affect your relationship. If he really loves you and wants to keep you both dealing with his family, he will have to make that effort.

PS/comment: When I was younger, I left a relationship with someone in the past mainly because she chose to be all the time with her father than with me pretty much when she was not busy, and if. If I could regret anything, it would be the relationships opportunities I lost and the time I was alone over the years we were dating. She would tell me that if we married things would be different, I never believed it.

I would not spend all the weekends with his place. Life is short. Young age without much responsibilities goes by very fast, enjoy it while you can.

Coming from a similar culture from Portugal and even being of an older generation, I can perfectly affirm the behavior described is pretty much abusive and appalling even by our relaxed Iberian standards.

I would not tolerate people putting in risk my physical integrity with a dog, or actually giving far much more importance to a dog than me, and certainly not rummaging through my personal belongings, even less in my own house (please, do tell me she has not a key to your apartment). It also not kosher at all you do not have any rights at all, because "you are not family". I would pack my things and go.

Furthermore, the bigger problem here is that your boyfriend never established boundaries with his family and affirmed himself, and as such he is not respected [as an adult].

I had many fights with my family since I was 16 to establish personal boundaries. Even in my 30s I went without talking with my parents for 6 months, because they started being abusive after I ended up a relationship with someone they liked, and started a new relationship with someone else, and I knew they can be mean when they do not like someone, either when they are right or wrong.

IMO, besides yourself, it is up for your boyfriend to be a man and stand up for you if he is a worthy partner.

As others advice, I would keep my distance from his family, but I would also have a very serious talk with him. He needs to stop being a boy and start behaving like a man.

Lastly, as for people often trying to get your nerves using others as a proxy (e.g. your boyfriend), it is quite easy to solve. "If they are not talking directly to me, I do not want to know about it." Used quite effectively this line over the years, either in family or work situations.

Your bf also should have the wisdom to curtail being the messenger of such pettiness, or even tell his mother he is not really that interested in hearing bad comments about yourself.

I would probably keep my distance until xmas, but that is just me.

As for solving the problem, it will have to be your boyfriend dealing with his mother bad behavior and not you, if you do not want to affect your relationship. If he really loves you and wants to keep you both dealing with his family, he will have to make that effort.

PS/comment: When I was younger, I left someone in the past mainly because she chose to be all the time with her father than with me pretty much when she was not busy, and if I could regret anything, it would be the relationships opportunities I lost and the time I was alone over the years we were dating. She would tell me that if we married things would be different, I never believed it.

I would not spend all the weekends with his place. Life is short. Young age without much responsibilities goes by very fast, enjoy it while you can.

Coming from a similar culture from Portugal and even being of an older generation, I can perfectly affirm the behavior described is pretty much abusive and appalling even by our relaxed Iberian standards.

I would not tolerate people putting in risk my physical integrity with a dog, or actually giving far much more importance to a dog than me, and certainly not rummaging through my personal belongings, even less in my own house (please, do tell me she has not a key to your apartment). It also not kosher at all you do not have any rights at all, because "you are not family". I would pack my things and go.

Furthermore, the bigger problem here is that your boyfriend never established boundaries with his family and affirmed himself, and as such he is not respected [as an adult].

I had many fights with my family since I was 16 to establish personal boundaries. Even in my 30s I went without talking with my parents for 6 months, because they started being abusive after I ended up a relationship with someone they liked, and started a new relationship with someone else, and I knew they can be mean when they do not like someone, either when they are right or wrong.

IMO, besides yourself, it is up for your boyfriend to be a man and stand up for you if he is a worthy partner.

As others advice, I would keep my distance from his family, but I would also have a very serious talk with him. He needs to stop being a boy and start behaving like a man.

Lastly, as for people often trying to get your nerves using others as a proxy (e.g. your boyfriend), it is quite easy to solve. "If they are not talking directly to me, I do not want to know about it." Used quite effectively this line over the years, either in family or work situations.

Your bf also should have the wisdom to curtail being the messenger of such pettiness, or even tell his mother he is not really that interested in hearing bad comments about yourself.

I would probably keep my distance until xmas, but that is just me.

As for solving the problem, it will have to be your boyfriend dealing with his mother bad behavior and not you, if you do not want to affect your relationship. If he really loves you and wants to keep you both dealing with his family, he will have to make that effort.

PS/comment: When I was younger, I left a relationship with someone mainly because she chose to be all the time with her father than with me pretty much when she was not busy. If I could regret anything, it would be the relationships opportunities I lost and the time I was alone over the years we were dating. She would tell me that if we married things would be different, I never believed it.

I would not spend all the weekends with his place. Life is short. Young age without much responsibilities goes by very fast, enjoy it while you can.

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