Timeline for Household chores in long distance relationship
Current License: CC BY-SA 4.0
6 events
| when toggle format | what | by | license | comment | |
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| Jul 31, 2018 at 14:02 | comment | added | Ruadhan2300 | That "don't keep score" point hits on something I take very close to heart. I share my flat with a friend, we're both frankly awful about keeping things clean and tidy, hence what generally happens is that we team up to tidy the place periodically when it's getting too much. Generally the attitude is that while he's substantially more likely than me to clean the kitchen, I'm more likely to cook a hearty meal for the both of us, or pay for takeout. There's no expectation of equality but we aren't trying to take advantage of each other, which makes all the difference. | |
| Jul 31, 2018 at 6:40 | comment | added | Cliff | I have to agree with Graham and DaveG here, it's not about different lifestyles, but doing practically nothing. I think the main issue here is that all my effort has led to the fact that she expects a fine meal without a trade-off in terms of a little (not even 50/50) help on her side. And this makes me less interested in making these meals! | |
| Jul 31, 2018 at 1:40 | comment | added | DaveG | Yes, one shouldn't "keep score" (you had 5 potato chips, I get the next 5) but there does need to be a basic equality in a relationship. When one person is doing all the work and the other one is along for a free ride, it's inevitably going to generate anger. I'm not saying that that's the case here, but to say "don't keep score" is overly simplistic. | |
| Jul 30, 2018 at 22:05 | comment | added | Graham | "if it didn't, she'd have changed before she met you" Not true. My partner was a slob, to the extent of leaving multiple dirty plates in the bed. She's not that bad now, but she's still pretty bad. I'm not the tidiest person, but it's still annoying when she says "we both need to improve" when I've left a couple of books on the table and she's literally covered it with her stuff. The gaslighting of "you do it too" when there's orders of magnitude difference in scale is unfair, but it's a classic avoidance tactic. | |
| Jul 30, 2018 at 20:15 | review | First posts | |||
| Jul 30, 2018 at 21:26 | |||||
| Jul 30, 2018 at 20:14 | history | answered | Kevin | CC BY-SA 4.0 |