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As people have been stating in other answers, this definitely sounds like an issue of seriously low self esteem brought on by the breakup. If she was never receiving validation from her past relationship, she's attempting to receive validation from one night stands and putting you down.

How To Approach Her

You mentioned how you attempted to discuss with her about her behavior change, but it seemed pretty unsuccessful.

I broached the subject with her about a month ago and again this past weekend but she doesn't think her behaviour has changed since the breakup.

If you approached her about her behavior changing, it's likely that she took this as a confrontation. If she's receiving validation from the Tinder hookups and her friends, then it's not surprising why she didn't empathize with your situation. After all, you're the bad guy, and why should she listen to you, right?

You should still talk with her about her behavior, but frame it as how it affects you. A common approach is using "I feel" statements.

  • "I feel belittled when you make me out to be a bad guy while we are out with your friends"
  • "I feel unheard when you don't acknowledge how your actions are affecting my well-being and our friendship"
  • "I feel unwelcome at home when you blame/belittle me over small occurrences (like dishes, making food in advance, etc.)"

These help to shift the perspective of both her actions and the conversation about them from "You've changed and your behavior is bad" to "Your actions have consequences and are affecting me and our friendship in a negative way." However, it's important that you still listen to her and how she feels in order for the conversation to be productive.

How to Continue with the Friendship

This is a tricky situation considering that you are flatmates, so she isn't exactly avoidable. However, completely trying to avoid her may just continue to validate her bad behavior, which is the last thing she needs. By the sounds of it, your friend is still really hurting from the breakup. Burning bridges with friends and promiscuous sex are both incredibly self-destructive behaviors of a person who is trying to gain control back into their life. Having both experienced rough breakups from a first and third-person perspective, what someone really needs in that situation is a good friend to listen to them and support them in their time of hurt.

However, I want to note that being nice to someone after they've been repeatedly treating you poorly is incredibly difficult. It's easy for me to sit here on IPS to tell you to "turn the other cheek", but you are under zero obligation to show her civility and respect if they aren't reciprocated. If this friendship is becoming increasingly detrimental to your mental and social health, then you should consider distancing yourself from her in social settings, if not ending the friendship altogether. Further, if you are financially able, you may need to consider other places to live if this behavior persists. If she asks why, break out your handy "I feel" statements.

I hope that you and her both receive the help you need.

As people have been stating in other answers, this definitely sounds like an issue of seriously low self esteem brought on by the breakup. If she was never receiving validation from her past relationship, she's attempting to receive validation from one night stands and putting you down.

How To Approach Her

You mentioned how you attempted to discuss with her about her behavior change, but it seemed pretty unsuccessful.

I broached the subject with her about a month ago and again this past weekend but she doesn't think her behaviour has changed since the breakup.

If you approached her about her behavior changing, it's likely that she took this as a confrontation. If she's receiving validation from the Tinder hookups and her friends, then it's not surprising why she didn't empathize with your situation. After all, you're the bad guy, and why should she listen to you, right?

You should still talk with her about her behavior, but frame it as how it affects you. A common approach is using "I feel" statements.

  • "I feel belittled when you make me out to be a bad guy while we are out with your friends"
  • "I feel unheard when you don't acknowledge how your actions are affecting my well-being and our friendship"
  • "I feel unwelcome at home when you blame/belittle me over small occurrences (like dishes, making food in advance, etc.)"

These help to shift the perspective of both her actions and the conversation about them from "You've changed and your behavior is bad" to "Your actions have consequences and are affecting me and our friendship in a negative way." However, it's important that you still listen to her and how she feels in order for the conversation to be productive.

How to Continue with the Friendship

This is a tricky situation considering that you are flatmates, so she isn't exactly avoidable. However, completely trying to avoid her may just continue to validate her bad behavior, which is the last thing she needs. By the sounds of it, your friend is still really hurting from the breakup. Burning bridges with friends and promiscuous sex are both incredibly self-destructive behaviors of a person who is trying to gain control back into their life. Having both experienced rough breakups from a first and third-person perspective, what someone really needs in that situation is a good friend to listen to them and support them in their time of hurt.

However, I want to note that being nice to someone after they've been repeatedly treating you poorly is incredibly difficult. It's easy for me to sit here on IPS to tell you to "turn the other cheek", but you are under zero obligation to show her civility and respect if they aren't reciprocated. If this friendship is becoming increasingly detrimental to your mental and social health, then you should consider distancing yourself from her in social settings. Further, if you are financially able, you may need to consider other places to live if this behavior persists. If she asks why, break out your handy "I feel" statements.

I hope that you and her both receive the help you need.

As people have been stating in other answers, this definitely sounds like an issue of seriously low self esteem brought on by the breakup. If she was never receiving validation from her past relationship, she's attempting to receive validation from one night stands and putting you down.

How To Approach Her

You mentioned how you attempted to discuss with her about her behavior change, but it seemed pretty unsuccessful.

I broached the subject with her about a month ago and again this past weekend but she doesn't think her behaviour has changed since the breakup.

If you approached her about her behavior changing, it's likely that she took this as a confrontation. If she's receiving validation from the Tinder hookups and her friends, then it's not surprising why she didn't empathize with your situation. After all, you're the bad guy, and why should she listen to you, right?

You should still talk with her about her behavior, but frame it as how it affects you. A common approach is using "I feel" statements.

  • "I feel belittled when you make me out to be a bad guy while we are out with your friends"
  • "I feel unheard when you don't acknowledge how your actions are affecting my well-being and our friendship"
  • "I feel unwelcome at home when you blame/belittle me over small occurrences (like dishes, making food in advance, etc.)"

These help to shift the perspective of both her actions and the conversation about them from "You've changed and your behavior is bad" to "Your actions have consequences and are affecting me and our friendship in a negative way." However, it's important that you still listen to her and how she feels in order for the conversation to be productive.

How to Continue with the Friendship

This is a tricky situation considering that you are flatmates, so she isn't exactly avoidable. However, completely trying to avoid her may just continue to validate her bad behavior, which is the last thing she needs. By the sounds of it, your friend is still really hurting from the breakup. Burning bridges with friends and promiscuous sex are both incredibly self-destructive behaviors of a person who is trying to gain control back into their life. Having both experienced rough breakups from a first and third-person perspective, what someone really needs in that situation is a good friend to listen to them and support them in their time of hurt.

However, I want to note that being nice to someone after they've been repeatedly treating you poorly is incredibly difficult. It's easy for me to sit here on IPS to tell you to "turn the other cheek", but you are under zero obligation to show her civility and respect if they aren't reciprocated. If this friendship is becoming increasingly detrimental to your mental and social health, then you should consider distancing yourself from her, if not ending the friendship altogether. Further, if you are financially able, you may need to consider other places to live if this behavior persists. If she asks why, break out your handy "I feel" statements.

I hope that you and her both receive the help you need.

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source | link

As people have been stating in other answers, this definitely sounds like an issue of seriously low self esteem brought on by the breakup. If she was never receiving validation from her past relationship, she's attempting to receive validation from one night stands and putting you down.

How To Approach Her

You mentioned how you attempted to discuss with her about her behavior change, but it seemed pretty unsuccessful.

I broached the subject with her about a month ago and again this past weekend but she doesn't think her behaviour has changed since the breakup.

If you approached her about her behavior changing, it's likely that she took this as a confrontation. If she's receiving validation from the Tinder hookups and her friends, then it's not surprising why she didn't empathize with your situation. After all, you're the bad guy, and why should she listen to you, right?

You should still talk with her about her behavior, but frame it as how it affects you. A common approach is using "I feel" statements.

  • "I feel belittled when you make me out to be a bad guy while we are out with your friends"
  • "I feel unheard when you don't acknowledge how your actions are affecting my well-being and our friendship"
  • "I feel unwelcome at home when you blame/belittle me over small occurrences (like dishes, making food in advance, etc.)"

These help to shift the perspective of both her actions and the conversation about them from "You've changed and your behavior is bad" to "Your actions have consequences and are affecting me and our friendship in a negative way." However, it's important that you still listen to her and how she feels in order for the conversation to be productive.

How to Continue with the Friendship

This is a tricky situation considering that you are flatmates, so she isn't exactly avoidable. However, completely trying to avoid her may just continue to validate her bad behavior, which is the last thing she needs. By the sounds of it, your friend is still really hurting from the breakup. Burning bridges with friends and promiscuous sex are both incredibly self-destructive behaviors of a person who is trying to gain control back into their life. Having both experienced rough breakups from a first and third-person perspective, what someone really needs in that situation is a good friend to listen to them and support them in their time of hurt.

However, I want to note that being nice to someone after they've been repeatedly treating you poorly is incredibly difficult. It's easy for me to sit here on IPS to tell you to "turn the other cheek", but you are under zero obligation to show her civility and respect if they aren't reciprocated. If this friendship is becoming increasingly detrimental to your mental and social health, then you should consider distancing yourself from her in social settings. Further, if you are financially able, you may need to consider other places to live if this behavior persists. If she asks why, break out your handy "I feel" statements.

I hope that you and her both receive the help you need.