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Rainbacon
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Background

I am a cis white straight male. I won't pretend that I know a lot about racism, sexism, homophobia, etc... What I do know a bit about is asking questions about things that I don't understand. I've had a lot of experience asking about the experience of my friends who have different sexualities and gender identities than I have. In particular, I have a good friend who is transmasculine and I've been asking them questions about their experiences being trans for several years. I've never had them get upset with me for asking questions. When I asked one day if my questions made them uncomfortable, they said that I was fine to ask questions becausespecifically because they knew that I genuinely cared about them.

How I ask

The most important part of asking questions about the issues that others face is that you genuinely care about the other person and the issues that they face. The best way I've found to convey that you genuinely care is to approach the issue with humility. Explain that you are uneducated on the subject, but want to know more.

Being male, I don't really understand the challenges that you face. Can you provide some examples of issues that you've had to help me understand better?

Disclaimer

I debated including this next paragraph, so I'd like to make a disclaimer about it now. The next approach can be quite personal, and may come across as insensitive if you don't know the person well. I would only recommend using it if you have already established a pattern of talking to them about the issues they face.

If you are very familiar with the person, it might be ok to ask about specific experiences. For example, I'll often phrase a question to my friend by pointing out a specific situation and how I experienced it as a cis man. Then I follow up by asking them about their experience of that situation. Again, I didn't start doing this until we'd been talking about their experience as a trans person, so please use it carefully.

Background

I am a cis white straight male. I won't pretend that I know a lot about racism, sexism, homophobia, etc... What I do know a bit about is asking questions about things that I don't understand. I've had a lot of experience asking about the experience of my friends who have different sexualities and gender identities than I have. In particular, I have a good friend who is transmasculine and I've been asking them questions about their experiences being trans for several years. I've never had them get upset with me for asking questions. When I asked one day if my questions made them uncomfortable, they said that I was fine to ask questions because they knew that I genuinely cared about them.

How I ask

The most important part of asking questions about the issues that others face is that you genuinely care about the other person and the issues that they face. The best way I've found to convey that you genuinely care is to approach the issue with humility. Explain that you are uneducated on the subject, but want to know more.

Being male, I don't really understand the challenges that you face. Can you provide some examples of issues that you've had to help me understand better?

Disclaimer

I debated including this next paragraph, so I'd like to make a disclaimer about it now. The next approach can be quite personal, and may come across as insensitive if you don't know the person well. I would only recommend using it if you have already established a pattern of talking to them about the issues they face.

If you are very familiar with the person, it might be ok to ask about specific experiences. For example, I'll often phrase a question to my friend by pointing out a specific situation and how I experienced it as a cis man. Then I follow up by asking them about their experience of that situation. Again, I didn't start doing this until we'd been talking about their experience as a trans person, so please use it carefully.

Background

I am a cis white straight male. I won't pretend that I know a lot about racism, sexism, homophobia, etc... What I do know a bit about is asking questions about things that I don't understand. I've had a lot of experience asking about the experience of my friends who have different sexualities and gender identities than I have. In particular, I have a good friend who is transmasculine and I've been asking them questions about their experiences being trans for several years. I've never had them get upset with me for asking questions. When I asked one day if my questions made them uncomfortable, they said that I was fine to ask questions specifically because they knew that I genuinely cared about them.

How I ask

The most important part of asking questions about the issues that others face is that you genuinely care about the other person and the issues that they face. The best way I've found to convey that you genuinely care is to approach the issue with humility. Explain that you are uneducated on the subject, but want to know more.

Being male, I don't really understand the challenges that you face. Can you provide some examples of issues that you've had to help me understand better?

Disclaimer

I debated including this next paragraph, so I'd like to make a disclaimer about it now. The next approach can be quite personal, and may come across as insensitive if you don't know the person well. I would only recommend using it if you have already established a pattern of talking to them about the issues they face.

If you are very familiar with the person, it might be ok to ask about specific experiences. For example, I'll often phrase a question to my friend by pointing out a specific situation and how I experienced it as a cis man. Then I follow up by asking them about their experience of that situation. Again, I didn't start doing this until we'd been talking about their experience as a trans person, so please use it carefully.

Source Link
Rainbacon
  • 9k
  • 4
  • 42
  • 76

Background

I am a cis white straight male. I won't pretend that I know a lot about racism, sexism, homophobia, etc... What I do know a bit about is asking questions about things that I don't understand. I've had a lot of experience asking about the experience of my friends who have different sexualities and gender identities than I have. In particular, I have a good friend who is transmasculine and I've been asking them questions about their experiences being trans for several years. I've never had them get upset with me for asking questions. When I asked one day if my questions made them uncomfortable, they said that I was fine to ask questions because they knew that I genuinely cared about them.

How I ask

The most important part of asking questions about the issues that others face is that you genuinely care about the other person and the issues that they face. The best way I've found to convey that you genuinely care is to approach the issue with humility. Explain that you are uneducated on the subject, but want to know more.

Being male, I don't really understand the challenges that you face. Can you provide some examples of issues that you've had to help me understand better?

Disclaimer

I debated including this next paragraph, so I'd like to make a disclaimer about it now. The next approach can be quite personal, and may come across as insensitive if you don't know the person well. I would only recommend using it if you have already established a pattern of talking to them about the issues they face.

If you are very familiar with the person, it might be ok to ask about specific experiences. For example, I'll often phrase a question to my friend by pointing out a specific situation and how I experienced it as a cis man. Then I follow up by asking them about their experience of that situation. Again, I didn't start doing this until we'd been talking about their experience as a trans person, so please use it carefully.