this is a response to the person who asked - how can i relax and be natural around people. Actually i came across this post because i too was trying to find answers about very much the same issue. So i don't really have answers, but in the recent months while talking to a therapist and also introspecting myself... i had some insights, which i thought i will share. they may not apply to others...yet they may help

1. I realised that in my case since i was very young, i have been most comfortable in my own thoughts, living in my own mind (i used to daydream a lot, and it was like my life was already being lived out in the mind and here i always won, i was always looking good, it felt good). i think as children, if we have found life to be very difficult, or overpowering, and our sensitive mind deals with it by retreating inside, this becomes a deeper tendency. we are then our most natural self, only when we are with ourselves and within our own minds. here we feel safe. so then any external engagement becomes a shift from our comfort zone. realising this itself, that 'a lot of my life is lived in the mind' helps to perceive the situation. One cannot simply drop that habit in one go and start 'adjusting' with others. but slowly, start living with the 'real' rather than the comfort zone we have built around us.

2. Even so, it may be that we are the kind of people who cannot get along with just anyone. And perhaps we try too hard to fit in with everyone and get along with all. so, while we should reduce the tendency to retreat into our comfort zone, that doesn't mean we should push ourselves to fit in. Slowly, develop ways to become comfortable with who we are and be with the few friends that are easier to be with. slowly this should improve.

3. another thing i found in my case, was that there is a strong tendency to want appreciation, acceptance in a group of friends or with people (for whatever reason). and that is also why it is harder to be with people. when i live in my own world, no one challenges me, nothing hurts my ego, i feel safe. when i step out, i feel challenged, judged and thus quickly i develop a pattern of conforming, of making people like me. or i simply learn to hide myself, i put on a mask. And so the interaction becomes a pressure and i lose my own self. i start mirroring other people so that i can cope and fit in. (for example, i used to get very anxious when people asked me what music or movie i like. i felt that i was always lagging behind the trend, and the things i did like were so odd and different. over the years i have begun to see that these were low self-perceptions. i actually did know a decent amount of music. secondly i did have a somewhat different choice, and so i stopped trying to make people understand me. then happily suddenly u meet people who share your passion, sometimes).

4. For me, i also found that there is an unrealistic expectation that people understand the state of my mind, the depth of my thoughts and feelings. I want people to understand my inner self. that inner me is so rich and diverse, yet all people see is awkward me. perhaps this feeling came from childhood too... that how to i share my inner world. and so i desperately try to share it and fail, or i hide it But again it is becoming clear - that firstly i cannot live so much of my life in the mind. and secondly, in the world, it is our actions, behaviour and achievements - our outer presentation that is our visible personality. that should be basic and grounded. rest, only rarely do we need to 'express ourselves true selves' or whatever to people... so basically - bridging the gap between two extremes. complete social acceptance or complete retreat to the inner.

i find that the more i live in the present and the real, the easier it gets. for instance ive stopped locking my room so much, to avoid that retreat into the 'me zone'. I do not retreat into my zone as a form of escape, as far as possible. slowly, a shift in practices in needed. a deeper habit has to be shifted... but not to fit in with others, rather to be a more authentic me.

This is a response to the person who asked - how can I relax and be natural around people?

Actually I came across this post because I too was trying to find answers about very much the same issue. So I don't really have answers, but in the recent months while talking to a therapist and also introspecting myself... I had some insights, which I thought I will share. They may not apply to others... yet they may help.

1. I realised that in my case since I was very young, I have been most comfortable in my own thoughts, living in my own mind (I used to daydream a lot, and it was like my life was already being lived out in the mind and here I always won, I was always looking good, it felt good). I think as children, if we have found life to be very difficult, or overpowering, and our sensitive mind deals with it by retreating inside, and this becomes a deeper tendency. We are then our most natural self, only when we are with ourselves and within our own minds. Here we feel safe. So then any external engagement becomes a shift from our comfort zone. Realising this itself, that 'a lot of my life is lived in the mind', helps to perceive the situation. One cannot simply drop that habit in one go and start 'adjusting' with others, but slowly, start living with the 'real' rather than the comfort zone we have built around us.

2. Even so, it may be that we are the kind of people who cannot get along with just anyone. And perhaps we try too hard to fit in with everyone and get along with all. So, while we should reduce the tendency to retreat into our comfort zone, that doesn't mean we should push ourselves to fit in. Slowly, develop ways to become comfortable with who we are and be with the few friends that are easier to be with, and slowly this should improve.

3. Another thing I found in my case, was that there is a strong tendency to want appreciation and acceptance in a group of friends or with people (for whatever reason). That is also why it is harder to be with people. When I live in my own world, no one challenges me, nothing hurts my ego, I feel safe. When I step out, I feel challenged and judged, and thus quickly I develop a pattern of conforming and making people like me, or I simply learn to hide myself and put on a mask. And so the interaction becomes a pressure and I lose my own self. I start mirroring other people so that I can cope and fit in. (For example, I used to get very anxious when people asked me what music or movie I like. I felt that I was always lagging behind the trend, and the things I did like were so odd and different. Over the years I have begun to see that these were low self-perceptions. I actually did know a decent amount of music. Secondly, I did have a somewhat different choice, and so I stopped trying to make people understand me. Then happily suddenly you meet people who share your passion, sometimes).

4. For me, I also found that there is an unrealistic expectation that people understand the state of my mind, the depth of my thoughts and feelings. I want people to understand my inner self. That inner me is so rich and diverse, yet all people see is awkward me. Perhaps this feeling came from childhood too... So I desperately try to share my inner world and fail, or I hide it. But again it is becoming clear - that firstly I cannot live so much of my life in the mind, and secondly, in the world, it is our actions, behaviour, and achievements - our outer presentation - that is our visible personality. That should be basic and grounded. Only rarely do we need to 'express ourselves true selves' or whatever to people... so basically - bridging the gap between two extremes, complete social acceptance or complete retreat to the inner.

I find that the more I live in the present and the real, the easier it gets. For instance I've stopped locking my room so much, to avoid that retreat into the 'me zone'. I do not retreat into my zone as a form of escape, as far as possible. slowly, a shift in practices in needed. a deeper habit has to be shifted... but not to fit in with others, rather to be a more authentic me.

1. I realised that in my case since i was very young, i have been most comfortable in my own thoughts, living in my own mind (i used to daydream a lot, and it was like my life was already being lived out in the mind and here i always won, i was always looking good, it felt good). i think as children, if we have found life to be very difficult, or overpowering, and our sensitive mind deals with it by retreating inside, this becomes a deeper tendency. we are then our most natural self, only when we are with ourselves and within our own minds. here we feel safe. so then any external engagement becomes a shift from our comfort zone. realising this itself, that 'a lot of my life is lived in the mind' helps to perceive the situation. One cannot simply drop that habit in one go and start 'adjusting' with others. but slowly, start living with the 'real' rather than the comfort zone we have built around us.

2. Even so, it may be that we are the kind of people who cannot get along with just anyone. And perhaps we try too hard to fit in with everyone and get along with all. so, while we should reduce the tendency to retreat into our comfort zone, that doesn't mean we should push ourselves to fit in. Slowly, develop ways to become comfortable with who we are and be with the few friends that are easier to be with. slowly this should improve.

3. another thing i found in my case, was that there is a strong tendency to want appreciation, acceptance in a group of friends or with people (for whatever reason). and that is also why it is harder to be with people. when i live in my own world, no one challenges me, nothing hurts my ego, i feel safe. when i step out, i feel challenged, judged and thus quickly i develop a pattern of conforming, of making people like me. or i simply learn to hide myself, i put on a mask. And so the interaction becomes a pressure and i lose my own self. i start mirroring other people so that i can cope and fit in. (for example, i used to get very anxious when people asked me what music or movie i like. i felt that i was always lagging behind the trend, and the things i did like were so odd and different. over the years i have begun to see that these were low self-perceptions. i actually did know a decent amount of music. secondly i did have a somewhat different choice, and so i stopped trying to make people understand me. then happily suddenly u meet people who share your passion, sometimes).

4. finally, i also struggle with learning in a group, or having such hobbies that are social. I am still working on that. to some extent i realised i also have slower way of learning... and its tough to keep pace with group activities. in that case finding a single teacher or a small group is a good option. what we think is our weakness, can sometimes just also be hiding our talent (if we are slow and deliberate learners for instance). but still, I'm working on this one.

1. I realised that in my case since i was very young, i have been most comfortable in my own thoughts, living in my own mind (i used to daydream a lot, and it was like my life was already being lived out in the mind and here i always won, i was always looking good, it felt good). i think as children, if we have found life to be very difficult, or overpowering, and our sensitive mind deals with it by retreating inside, this becomes a deeper tendency. we are then our most natural self, only when we are with ourselves and within our own minds. here we feel safe. so then any external engagement becomes a shift from our comfort zone. realising this itself, that 'a lot of my life is lived in the mind' helps to perceive the situation. One cannot simply drop that habit in one go and start 'adjusting' with others. but slowly, start living with the 'real' rather than the comfort zone we have built around us.

2. Even so, it may be that we are the kind of people who cannot get along with just anyone. And perhaps we try too hard to fit in with everyone and get along with all. so, while we should reduce the tendency to retreat into our comfort zone, that doesn't mean we should push ourselves to fit in. Slowly, develop ways to become comfortable with who we are and be with the few friends that are easier to be with. slowly this should improve.

3. another thing i found in my case, was that there is a strong tendency to want appreciation, acceptance in a group of friends or with people (for whatever reason). and that is also why it is harder to be with people. when i live in my own world, no one challenges me, nothing hurts my ego, i feel safe. when i step out, i feel challenged, judged and thus quickly i develop a pattern of conforming, of making people like me. or i simply learn to hide myself, i put on a mask. And so the interaction becomes a pressure and i lose my own self. i start mirroring other people so that i can cope and fit in. (for example, i used to get very anxious when people asked me what music or movie i like. i felt that i was always lagging behind the trend, and the things i did like were so odd and different. over the years i have begun to see that these were low self-perceptions. i actually did know a decent amount of music. secondly i did have a somewhat different choice, and so i stopped trying to make people understand me. then happily suddenly u meet people who share your passion, sometimes).

4. For me, i also found that there is an unrealistic expectation that people understand the state of my mind, the depth of my thoughts and feelings. I want people to understand my inner self. that inner me is so rich and diverse, yet all people see is awkward me. perhaps this feeling came from childhood too... that how to i share my inner world. and so i desperately try to share it and fail, or i hide it But again it is becoming clear - that firstly i cannot live so much of my life in the mind. and secondly, in the world, it is our actions, behaviour and achievements - our outer presentation that is our visible personality. that should be basic and grounded. rest, only rarely do we need to 'express ourselves true selves' or whatever to people... so basically - bridging the gap between two extremes. complete social acceptance or complete retreat to the inner.