Timeline for How to better explain to my wife that I feel she commited a small betrayal of our trust, when she feels it was irrelevant?
Current License: CC BY-SA 4.0
15 events
| when toggle format | what | by | license | comment | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| May 14, 2021 at 20:34 | vote | accept | Reginald Vas Deferens | ||
| May 14, 2021 at 16:02 | answer | added | Reginald Vas Deferens | timeline score: 1 | |
| May 13, 2021 at 18:41 | answer | added | Aurinxki | timeline score: 2 | |
| May 13, 2021 at 15:57 | answer | added | Sarov | timeline score: 2 | |
| May 13, 2021 at 14:41 | comment | added | Reginald Vas Deferens | The alternative (as my wife suggested herself) is for me to police what I say to her so she can’t reveal things I don’t want revealed. While I recognize this as a possible solution, I’ve always assumed that our relationship was a safe place for me to say whatever stupid thing pops into my head. That’s been my assumption for 30-plus years now, so the idea that I now need to keep her at arm’s length like any other Joe feels like something of a breakdown in our relationship. (3/3) | |
| May 13, 2021 at 14:41 | comment | added | Reginald Vas Deferens | So, Sarov, the conversation I’m hoping for is more like, “I understand now why that made you uncomfortable and, although I don’t think it’s a big deal at all, I won’t do it again.” (2/3) | |
| May 13, 2021 at 14:41 | comment | added | Reginald Vas Deferens | Thank you, Tinkeringbell. To (hopefully) answer you and Sarov and get closer to a proper question, what I want most is to avoid being placed in an awkward position like this again (with anyone, not just my son). For that to happen, my wife needs to understand why I feel that her revealing my scheme was a breach of trust so she can recognize and avoid similar situations in the future. I’ve been unable to explain that to her, and that’s what I’m hoping for help on. (1/3) | |
| S May 13, 2021 at 3:45 | history | suggested | Sarov | CC BY-SA 4.0 |
Fix typo/grammar of title
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| May 12, 2021 at 21:15 | comment | added | Tinkeringbell♦ | So, could you pick a possible goal, or prioritize some things? For example, Are you after an apology from your wife, or would it be enough if she promised not to do things again? Would you be satisfied if you better understood why she thinks of this as minor, are you after clearer boundaries on what is/isn't private? Are there any other things you wish for, that I couldn't think of? | |
| May 12, 2021 at 21:15 | comment | added | Tinkeringbell♦ | Hey Reginald! Welcome to IPS. I've given your question an edit to remove some of the off-topic parts and a bit of 'noise'. I do think your question could benefit from clarifying one more thing though: Your priorities for the outcome. What's your actual goal you'd like to achieve? Your old title mentioned 'seeing eye-to-eye', but together with your requests for reasons that you could've been wrong (which were edited out for being off-topic), that can also mean you change your position on this. 1/2 | |
| May 12, 2021 at 21:09 | review | Suggested edits | |||
| S May 13, 2021 at 3:45 | |||||
| May 12, 2021 at 21:00 | comment | added | Sarov | To clarify, is getting your wife to understand that you saw this as a betrayal your only goal? Would this conversation fulfill your goals?: "I thought I had told you that in confidence, and I felt betrayed by you breaking my trust" "Oh I see. I understand. There's no way I could have or will think like that, though, so my behaviour won't and can't change moving forward" "That's okay, I just wanted us to be on the same page, I don't care if you do it again" "Okay cool." | |
| May 12, 2021 at 20:54 | history | edited | Tinkeringbell♦ | CC BY-SA 4.0 |
Edited out the off-topic question (we don't do 'who's right or wrong' type questions here, including giving you reasons why you might be wrong). I've also edited out some noise, and changed the title to match the question body.
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| May 12, 2021 at 20:35 | review | First posts | |||
| May 14, 2021 at 12:51 | |||||
| May 12, 2021 at 20:34 | history | asked | Reginald Vas Deferens | CC BY-SA 4.0 |