Timeline for How to align personal interests with family?
Current License: CC BY-SA 3.0
18 events
| when toggle format | what | by | license | comment | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Aug 29, 2017 at 9:42 | comment | added | English Student | Once both parents are home, both are on duty for child care is pertinent because if one parent works and the other is a homemaker, then one parent is 'working at workplace' and the other 'working at home' -- naturally when both are home they should share the child care, but in many parts of the world the 'worker' expects the 'homemaker' to exclusively deal with child care all the time 'as part of the job' (here in India in that situation,usually the husband works and the wife is the homemaker, but so many parents are both working nowadays to 'provide a better future for their children.') | |
| Aug 28, 2017 at 15:20 | comment | added | threetimes | I also likely should have been clearer that "on duty" for both parties to me means, both people are perfectly capable of handling cooking, cleanup, baths, or any other duties including playing with kids, etc, that need to happen. This even includes my kids as they get older, as they are capable of assisting in most if not all those tasks as well. | |
| Aug 28, 2017 at 15:19 | comment | added | threetimes | The opening paragraph is because loving a child & showing a child they are loved are two different things, hence the last paragraph. I suggested gaming and other things are addictive. I didn't think I needed to specify each item. And yes, I believe once everyone is home, then both parents share equal responsibility. In my home we have worked out I take time away that 1st hour. But I'm considered "not home" whether I'm physically here or not in that hour. Each couple works out whatever that off time works like, but everyone needs "off" time, even a stay at home parent. | |
| Aug 28, 2017 at 13:23 | comment | added | Amberta | I read post before it was updated and changed completely. 2) It was common because of old traditions. Like alcoholic husbands. But is doesn't mean it's normal and expected now. Times has changed, but some expect such lifestyle to continue. | |
| Aug 28, 2017 at 13:07 | comment | added | Agent_L | @LaMi Please, read again. Reading books doesn't make OP uncomfortable, his wife is. | |
| Aug 28, 2017 at 13:04 | comment | added | Agent_L | @LaMi 1) I explained why this is a question to OP, not a room to conjecture. 2) if OP's expectations are normal in a given culture, then it's wife's who's non-compliant, not OP. 3) offline games can be paused anytime while soccer can't. Also reading books can span for 10 hours straight. It's not an argument for you, it's a question to threetimes. I am suggesting improvements to an answer, not inviting 3rd party to defend the answerer. | |
| Aug 28, 2017 at 13:04 | comment | added | Erik | @Vylix addiction is not measured by how you longer perform an activity, but how well you can handle not performing it when something more important comes up. Watching soccer for 2 hours while your kid is graduating points to addiction, playing video-games for 12 hours straight because your kids are spending the night at their grandparents does not. | |
| Aug 28, 2017 at 13:03 | comment | added | Amberta | @Agent_L before the question was updated OP stated that his wife doesn't accept him watching soccer on TV and gaming, but he himself feels uncomfortable reading books. | |
| Aug 28, 2017 at 12:53 | comment | added | Agent_L | @Vylix Watching soccer, gaming and reading books are mentioned in the answer, the latter 2 as activities not accepted by OP's wife. Anyway, I am suggesting improvements to an answer, not inviting 3rd party to defend the answerer. | |
| Aug 28, 2017 at 12:48 | comment | added | Amberta | *removed first comment accidentally. @Agent_L 1) I think she means children need attention from their parents. 2) That's exactly what she tried to say. It's common in Russia that fathers keep distance from what happens in their families by telling wife that child is fully hers responsibility. He works and does nothing more. I grew up in such family. 3) "watching soccer games" can't span for 10 hours straight. Games can. | |
| Aug 28, 2017 at 12:40 | comment | added | Vylix | @LaMi I actually think that is right on the spot. I agree on this post wholeheartedly, as it also has sort of opened my eyes on my gaming addiction. Gaming can span for hours, while soccer matches usually last up to 2 hours. | |
| Aug 28, 2017 at 12:37 | comment | added | Vylix | @Agent_L I believe she "attacked" games because it is on the list, and didn't see the soccer games mentioned in the start of the post. | |
| Aug 28, 2017 at 12:19 | comment | added | Agent_L | "Children need to be loved" implies that OP doesn't love his. The entire 1st chapter is nothing but condescension, I'd drop it entirely. If you are afraid that OP in fact doesn't spend any time with his kid, then ask for clarification in comment to the question. Also the "Once you are home, you are both on duty" is straight road into martyr complex. Home has to be a safe place for both kids and parents. The key is to divide duties in a way that satisfies all 3. The part about gaming is obnoxious. Do you have ANY reason to attack that activity over "watching soccer games"? | |
| Aug 28, 2017 at 12:18 | comment | added | English Student | This answer is also important for compassionately representing the wife's perspective. | |
| Aug 28, 2017 at 12:05 | comment | added | English Student | _ "The only difference between good parents and bad ones is the willingness to try to look at yourself objectively, be willing to see where you are wrong, and change." _ This is another excellent answer from you and it's obvious you really know your subject. I upvote! I think @Erik means to say that it could sound like you are lecturing OP: you are so experienced but OP has just started his 'career' as a parent. But I believe you are brutally frank simply to condense the wisdom of your life experience into something that OP & others can learn faster, so this is a great answer, @ threetimes. | |
| Aug 28, 2017 at 11:52 | comment | added | threetimes | @Erik I really didn't mean it as such. Could you offer more detail so I get a better understanding of what part sounds like a judgement? | |
| Aug 28, 2017 at 11:49 | comment | added | Erik | This answer sounds very judgemental. I really don't like the tone, even if I agree with much of the content. | |
| Aug 28, 2017 at 11:39 | history | answered | threetimes | CC BY-SA 3.0 |