Podcast #128: We chat with Kent C Dodds about why he loves React and discuss what life was like in the dark days before Git. Listen now.
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It sounds like you write long messages to cope with stress, or to express your feelings, or to explore solutions to problems, or to achieve all of these goals.

These are understandable needs, but your strategy can be adjusted to act less impulsive. In the heat of the moment you tend to send unduly long and perhaps unfiltered messages, which upon reflection you feel ashamed for.

Notice that you don't need to actually send the message that you wrote to satisfy most of your needs. So rather than giving up writing, I'd suggest to delay sending the message by a set time*, then to reconsider if you still want to send a message, and (only) if yes to revise and cut back the original message before sending it.

You may often find that already by writing down your thoughts and feelings you have better understood what's bugging you, found a (preliminary) solution, and calmed down a bit. Sending the message might then not be necessary anymore. Or you may want to send just a brief message that focuses on the conclusion and omits the entire thought process.

You may also want to consider technical solutions to automatically delay sending messages (1 2 3).

In "situations of great distress" (as you put it), your anxiety (or whatever negative emotion) may undercut your self-control and you may be unable to delay sending the message. If so, you have to find a strategy that helps you to calm down before anything else: Breathe deeply, take a walk, change the location, listen to music or the radio, work out (just a few push-ups can do wonders), call a friend whom you trust. Also ask yourself what you hope to achieve by sending the message immediately. A reassuring reply? (Reassure yourself: "I'm ok".) Making sure the other person isn't mad at you? (They will calm down.) Feeling less lonely? (Fix a date with a friend.) Etc.

If this doesn't work and your impulse to relapse into behavior that you regret remains too strong, you should consider asking a therapist for help (offline).

*) Perhaps an hour for a text message and a day for a letter or email.

It sounds like you write long messages to cope with stress, or to express your feelings, or to explore solutions to problems, or to achieve all of these goals.

These are understandable needs, but your strategy can be adjusted to act less impulsive. In the heat of the moment you tend to send unduly long and perhaps unfiltered messages, which upon reflection you feel ashamed for.

Notice that you don't need to actually send the message that you wrote to satisfy most of your needs. So rather than giving up writing, I'd suggest to delay sending the message by a set time*, then to reconsider if you still want to send a message, and (only) if yes to revise and cut back the original message before sending it.

You may often find that already by writing down your thoughts and feelings you have better understood what's bugging you, found a (preliminary) solution, and calmed down a bit. Sending the message might then not be necessary anymore. Or you may want to send just a brief message that focuses on the conclusion and omits the entire thought process.

You may also want to consider technical solutions to automatically delay sending messages (1 2 3).

In "situations of great distress" (as you put it), your anxiety (or whatever negative emotion) may undercut your self-control and you may be unable to delay sending the message. If so, you have to find a strategy that helps you to calm down before anything else: Breathe deeply, take a walk, change the location, listen to music or the radio, work out (just a few push-ups can do wonders), call a friend whom you trust. Also ask yourself what you hope to achieve by sending the message immediately. A reassuring reply? (Reassure yourself: "I'm ok".) Making sure the other person isn't mad at you? (They will calm down.) Feeling less lonely? (Fix a date with a friend) Etc.

If this doesn't work and your impulse to relapse into behavior that you regret remains too strong, you should consider asking a therapist for help (offline).

*) Perhaps an hour for a text message and a day for a letter or email.

It sounds like you write long messages to cope with stress, or to express your feelings, or to explore solutions to problems, or to achieve all of these goals.

These are understandable needs, but your strategy can be adjusted to act less impulsive. In the heat of the moment you tend to send unduly long and perhaps unfiltered messages, which upon reflection you feel ashamed for.

Notice that you don't need to actually send the message that you wrote to satisfy most of your needs. So rather than giving up writing, I'd suggest to delay sending the message by a set time*, then to reconsider if you still want to send a message, and (only) if yes to revise and cut back the original message before sending it.

You may often find that already by writing down your thoughts and feelings you have better understood what's bugging you, found a (preliminary) solution, and calmed down a bit. Sending the message might then not be necessary anymore. Or you may want to send just a brief message that focuses on the conclusion and omits the entire thought process.

You may also want to consider technical solutions to automatically delay sending messages (1 2 3).

In "situations of great distress" (as you put it), your anxiety (or whatever negative emotion) may undercut your self-control and you may be unable to delay sending the message. If so, you have to find a strategy that helps you to calm down before anything else: Breathe deeply, take a walk, change the location, listen to music or the radio, work out (just a few push-ups can do wonders), call a friend whom you trust. Also ask yourself what you hope to achieve by sending the message immediately. A reassuring reply? (Reassure yourself: "I'm ok".) Making sure the other person isn't mad at you? (They will calm down.) Feeling less lonely? (Fix a date with a friend.) Etc.

If this doesn't work and your impulse to relapse into behavior that you regret remains too strong, you should consider asking a therapist for help (offline).

*) Perhaps an hour for a text message and a day for a letter or email.

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It sounds like you write long messages to cope with stress, or to express your feelings, or to explore solutions to problems, or to achieve all of these goals.

These are understandable needs, but your strategy can be adjusted to act less impulsive. In the heat of the moment you tend to send unduly long and perhaps unfiltered messages, which upon reflection you feel ashamed for.

Notice that you don't need to actually send the message that you wrote to satisfy most of your needs. So rather than giving up writing, I'd suggest to delay sending the message by a set time*, then to reconsider if you still want to send a message, and (only) if yes to revise and cut back the original message before sending it.

You may often find that already by writing down your thoughts and feelings you have better understood what's bugging you, found a (preliminary) solution, and calmed down a bit. Sending the message might then not be necessary anymore. Or you may want to send just a brief message that focuses on the conclusion and omits the entire thought process.

You may also want to consider technical solutions to automatically delay sending messages (1 2 3).

In "situations of great distress" (as you put it), your anxiety (or whatever negative emotion) may undercut your self-control and you may be unable to delay sending the message. If so, you have to find a strategy that helps you to calm down before anything else: Breathe deeply, take a walk, change the location, listen to music or the radio, work out (just a few push-ups can do wonders), call a friend whom you trust. Also ask yourself what you hope to achieve by sending the message immediately. A reassuring reply? (Reassure yourself: "I'm ok".) Making sure the other person isn't mad at you? (They will calm down.) Feeling less lonely? (Fix a date with a friend) Etc.

If this doesn't work and your impulse to relapse into behavior that you regret remains too strong, you should consider asking a therapist for help (offline).


 

*) Perhaps an hour for a text message and a day for a letter or email.

It sounds like you write long messages to cope with stress, or to express your feelings, or to explore solutions to problems, or to achieve all of these goals.

These are understandable needs, but your strategy can be adjusted to act less impulsive. In the heat of the moment you tend to send unduly long and perhaps unfiltered messages, which upon reflection you feel ashamed for.

Notice that you don't need to actually send the message that you wrote to satisfy most of your needs. So rather than giving up writing, I'd suggest to delay sending the message by a set time*, then to reconsider if you still want to send a message, and (only) if yes to revise and cut back the original message before sending it.

You may often find that already by writing down your thoughts and feelings you have better understood what's bugging you, found a (preliminary) solution, and calmed down a bit. Sending the message might then not be necessary anymore. Or you may want to send just a brief message that focuses on the conclusion and omits the entire thought process.

You may also want to consider technical solutions to automatically delay sending messages (1 2 3).

In "situations of great distress" (as you put it), your anxiety (or whatever negative emotion) may undercut your self-control and you may be unable to delay sending the message. If so, you have to find a strategy that helps you to calm down before anything else: Breathe deeply, take a walk, change the location, listen to music or the radio, work out (just a few push-ups can do wonders), call a friend whom you trust. Also ask yourself what you hope to achieve by sending the message immediately. A reassuring reply? (Reassure yourself: "I'm ok".) Making sure the other person isn't mad at you? (They will calm down.) Feeling less lonely? (Fix a date with a friend) Etc.

If this doesn't work and your impulse to relapse into behavior that you regret remains too strong, you should consider asking a therapist for help (offline).


 

*) Perhaps an hour for a text message and a day for a letter or email.

It sounds like you write long messages to cope with stress, or to express your feelings, or to explore solutions to problems, or to achieve all of these goals.

These are understandable needs, but your strategy can be adjusted to act less impulsive. In the heat of the moment you tend to send unduly long and perhaps unfiltered messages, which upon reflection you feel ashamed for.

Notice that you don't need to actually send the message that you wrote to satisfy most of your needs. So rather than giving up writing, I'd suggest to delay sending the message by a set time*, then to reconsider if you still want to send a message, and (only) if yes to revise and cut back the original message before sending it.

You may often find that already by writing down your thoughts and feelings you have better understood what's bugging you, found a (preliminary) solution, and calmed down a bit. Sending the message might then not be necessary anymore. Or you may want to send just a brief message that focuses on the conclusion and omits the entire thought process.

You may also want to consider technical solutions to automatically delay sending messages (1 2 3).

In "situations of great distress" (as you put it), your anxiety (or whatever negative emotion) may undercut your self-control and you may be unable to delay sending the message. If so, you have to find a strategy that helps you to calm down before anything else: Breathe deeply, take a walk, change the location, listen to music or the radio, work out (just a few push-ups can do wonders), call a friend whom you trust. Also ask yourself what you hope to achieve by sending the message immediately. A reassuring reply? (Reassure yourself: "I'm ok".) Making sure the other person isn't mad at you? (They will calm down.) Feeling less lonely? (Fix a date with a friend) Etc.

If this doesn't work and your impulse to relapse into behavior that you regret remains too strong, you should consider asking a therapist for help (offline).

*) Perhaps an hour for a text message and a day for a letter or email.

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It sounds like you write long messages to cope with stress, or to express your feelings, or to explore solutions to problems, or to achieve all of these goals.

These are understandable needs, but your strategy can be adjusted to act less impulsive. In the heat of the moment you tend to send unduly long and perhaps unfiltered messages, which upon reflection you feel ashamed for.

Notice that you don't need to actually send the message that you wrote to satisfy most of your needs. So rather than giving up writing, I'd suggest to delay sending the message by a set time*, then to reconsider if you still want to send a message, and (only) if yes to revise and cut back the original message before sending it.

You may often find that already by writing down your thoughts and feelings you have better understood what's bugging you, found a (preliminary) solution, and calmed down a bit. Sending the message might then not be necessary anymore. Or you may want to send just a brief message that focuses on the conclusion and omits the entire thought process.

You may also want to consider technical solutions to automatically delay sending messages (1 2 3).

In "situations of great distress" (as you put it), your anxiety (or whatever negative emotion) may undercut your self-control and you may be unable to delay sending the message. If so, you have to find a strategy that helps you to calm down before anything else: Breathe deeply, take a walk, change the location, listen to music or the radio, work out (just a few push-ups can do wonders), call a friend whom you trust. Also ask yourself what you hope to achieve by sending the message immediately. A reassuring reply? (Reassure yourself: "I'm ok".) Making sure the other person isn't mad at you? (They will calm down.) Feeling less lonely? (Fix a date with a friend) Etc.

If this doesn't work and your impulse to relapse into behavior that you regret remains too strong, you should consider asking a therapist for help (offline).


*) Perhaps an hour for a text message and a day for a letter or email. *) Perhaps an hour for a text message and a day for a letter or email.

It sounds like you write long messages to cope with stress, or to express your feelings, or to explore solutions to problems, or to achieve all of these goals.

These are understandable needs, but your strategy can be adjusted to act less impulsive. In the heat of the moment you tend to send unduly long and perhaps unfiltered messages, which upon reflection you feel ashamed for.

Notice that you don't need to actually send the message that you wrote to satisfy most of your needs. So rather than giving up writing, I'd suggest to delay sending the message by a set time*, then to reconsider if you still want to send a message, and (only) if yes to revise and cut back the original message before sending it.

You may often find that already by writing down your thoughts and feelings you have better understood what's bugging you, found a (preliminary) solution, and calmed down a bit. Sending the message might then not be necessary anymore. Or you may want to send just a brief message that focuses on the conclusion and omits the entire thought process.

You may also want to consider technical solutions to automatically delay sending messages (1 2 3).

In "situations of great distress" (as you put it), your anxiety (or whatever negative emotion) may undercut your self-control and you may be unable to delay sending the message. If so, you have to find a strategy that helps you to calm down before anything else: Breathe deeply, take a walk, change the location, listen to music or the radio, work out (just a few push-ups can do wonders), call a friend whom you trust. Also ask yourself what you hope to achieve by sending the message immediately. A reassuring reply? (Reassure yourself: "I'm ok".) Making sure the other person isn't mad at you? (They will calm down.) Feeling less lonely? (Fix a date with a friend) Etc.

If this doesn't work and your impulse to relapse into behavior that you regret remains too strong, you should consider asking a therapist for help (offline).


*) Perhaps an hour for a text message and a day for a letter or email.

It sounds like you write long messages to cope with stress, or to express your feelings, or to explore solutions to problems, or to achieve all of these goals.

These are understandable needs, but your strategy can be adjusted to act less impulsive. In the heat of the moment you tend to send unduly long and perhaps unfiltered messages, which upon reflection you feel ashamed for.

Notice that you don't need to actually send the message that you wrote to satisfy most of your needs. So rather than giving up writing, I'd suggest to delay sending the message by a set time*, then to reconsider if you still want to send a message, and (only) if yes to revise and cut back the original message before sending it.

You may often find that already by writing down your thoughts and feelings you have better understood what's bugging you, found a (preliminary) solution, and calmed down a bit. Sending the message might then not be necessary anymore. Or you may want to send just a brief message that focuses on the conclusion and omits the entire thought process.

You may also want to consider technical solutions to automatically delay sending messages (1 2 3).

In "situations of great distress" (as you put it), your anxiety (or whatever negative emotion) may undercut your self-control and you may be unable to delay sending the message. If so, you have to find a strategy that helps you to calm down before anything else: Breathe deeply, take a walk, change the location, listen to music or the radio, work out (just a few push-ups can do wonders), call a friend whom you trust. Also ask yourself what you hope to achieve by sending the message immediately. A reassuring reply? (Reassure yourself: "I'm ok".) Making sure the other person isn't mad at you? (They will calm down.) Feeling less lonely? (Fix a date with a friend) Etc.

If this doesn't work and your impulse to relapse into behavior that you regret remains too strong, you should consider asking a therapist for help (offline).


*) Perhaps an hour for a text message and a day for a letter or email.

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