Timeline for Meeting someone who used to bully me
Current License: CC BY-SA 3.0
8 events
| when toggle format | what | by | license | comment | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Nov 14, 2017 at 11:04 | comment | added | anaximander | This happened to me. I was getting a drink after work with a friend, and standing next to me at the bar happened to be a guy who I used to have a rather hostile relationship with. He recognised me and immediately said he felt guilty about how he used to treat me, and wanted to apologise. He seemed really sincere, so we shook hands and agreed to put it behind us. We chatted for a bit, exchanged gossip about old mutual friends and what they're up to these days, and went our separate ways. As much as I disliked that guy before, it felt good to see he'd changed, and to let go of the grudge. | |
| Nov 10, 2017 at 18:25 | comment | added | Sojourner | These are good words. Also please consider that if a person has PTSD, eliminating unwanted and intrusive negative feelings (about childhood bullies) may take more than a simple act of the will and may not be rooted in simple bitterness or in holding a grudge. To heal old wounds from PTSD usually requires deep investigation into the past traumatic events in order to reprocess them. Until this is done, the sufferer can experience “recapitulation,” when events trigger implicit trauma memories to arrive, without any sensation of recall to bring awareness that the feelings are sourced in the past. | |
| Nov 10, 2017 at 8:56 | comment | added | Obie 2.0 | “If he’s still a jerk, then that is a reason to ignore him now.” I think this is a very important part of the answer, and could do with being expanded on. I agree with the rest of the answer - if the person is being sincere. But a lot of child bullies grow up to be bullies, and seeing whether that’s true in this case before, say, becoming friends with them might be wise. Many bullies can be fairly nice to one group (the cool crowd, for lack of a better word ;) ) and cruel to others. Sometimes bullies change their mind about who’s in the cool crowd - but don’t change fundamentally. | |
| Nov 9, 2017 at 21:06 | comment | added | anongoodnurse | "If he treats you like an old friend, let it go and make a new friend." I think there's a lot of wisdom in letting go of the anger, and the power of forgiveness, but suspect (don't know for sure) there is nothing much of value in pretense, which is how I interpret the line. | |
| Nov 9, 2017 at 20:39 | history | edited | user4548 | CC BY-SA 3.0 |
added 14 characters in body; added 65 characters in body
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| Nov 9, 2017 at 18:41 | history | edited | Anne Daunted GoFundMonica | CC BY-SA 3.0 |
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| Nov 9, 2017 at 17:54 | comment | added | user2390246 | +1. I had not considered it that way, but that's definitely an ideal to aim for. I'm not entirely sure that I would be able to pull it off, but well done that you were able to move forward and gain some friends despite the past! | |
| Nov 9, 2017 at 17:43 | history | answered | user4548 | CC BY-SA 3.0 |