Confronting girlfriend about sending me conversations with other guys

Question

My female friend likes to send me print-screens of her conversations with other guys. There's no romantic content whatsoever, or any content that bothers me, but just the fact that she sends it to me feels weird and is not something I like.

I'm worried if I confront her directly I may come off as scolding or jealous. Since we're not in a serious relationship, I wouldn't feel comfortable going this far. As such, I usually just don't respond to the message. I hoped she would realize from this that I don't approve, but it doesn't seem to be working.

How can I confront her about how this behavior makes me uncomfortable without coming off as scolding or jealous?

Answer 1

One of the cornerstones of every relationship is communication. It doesn't matter if you're casual or serious, a lack of communication can only hurt.

She has no way of knowing how you feel about these messages unless you tell her! It's not fair to you to continue taking treatment you don't like and it's not fair to her to have you upset with her over an issue she doesn't know exists.

As a first step, you could try to keep it light/playful. Next time she sends such a picture, you can say something like:

Hey! I'm talking to you, not John, why is his conversation here? :P

This is a step up from your no responses, but still not quite full on confrontation. You're lightly letting her know that the images aren't something you appreciate.

However, if they still continue even after you try a few subtle jokes like this, it may be time to be straightforward with her. In that case, I'd focus on making it clear that the friendships and interactions aren't the problem, but the showing you is:

Hey girlfriend. I've noticed that you send me a lot of pictures of your conversations with other guys. I just want to make it clear that I don't have a problem with these conversations or with your friendships, however, constantly seeing them in our conversations confuses me and makes me a little uncomfortable.

Answer 2

I would straight up ask her why personally! Even if there is nothing that could make you jealous, there is an obvious reason that is not disclosed in her mind as to why she is.

Maybe they are talking to her in a way that she wants you to talk to her, maybe she is showing you pics of chats to show that even though you guys are in an open relationship, she wants to go forward with you and hinting that nothing is now going on between previous potentials. Maybe she is just sending you the convos because she found something amusing and wanted to discuss or get your reaction out of.

I frequently send convos I have with others to friends. Sometimes it's because I wanted them to share in a good laugh, other times it was to show proof of words said, but most of the time, it was sent with the intent to create a topic to talk about.

So initially I would engage on the pic that is sent. Say Bob is telling a story of doing something stupid.

Oh man, can't believe Bob actually went and did that! I would be embarrassed if I did that in front of my class. I noticed lately you have been sending me pictures of conversations you have been having. Was there something you wanted to show me or talk about?

Possible Option 1:

She may say "Oh no! I just thought the conversations were amusing and thought you might get a good laugh out of it too." Which there you can make your own choices of whether to take the texts as something cryptic or not (and maybe knowing she sent it to you for amusement may take the edge off the distaste for it). Or you can simply respond:

I understand where you are coming from but I respect the privacy of conversations and would rather we find other ways to share a good laugh. I do like memes!

This expresses a dislike for it without being straight up "I don't like it". That can be interpreted in many ways, especially over text. By providing a softer approach, you are stating your dislike and providing an alternative method for which she can still share a good laugh with you on.

Possible Option 2:

Conversely, she may say something like "Oh, I have been sending them to you because I wanted to show you nothing was going on with other guys and hoping maybe we could be more serious?" Like the other hypothetical option, it's up to you on how you want to perceive that.

I appreciate you bringing that up, why don't we discuss this on our next date this Friday? Talking about this over a text message is probably not the best way! Also, next time, if you ever want to talk to me about something serious feel free to! You don't need to send me text messages of others. I would rather you come and ask me directly :)

This again allows you to express your dislike of something without coming off as jealous or uncomfortable. You let her know that the next time she feels the need to discuss with something she can come to you directly. That should let her know she doesn't need to be cryptic anymore. You also help set the example for having a more serious talk face to face rather than over a text message and, hopefully, by saying to discuss it on your next date, may alleviate any fears from you about a negative response.

Answer 3

I think it'd be best to continue doing what you're doing, and just ignore the messages.

It might take some time, but eventually she will get the message that you don't care (which you don't, right?).

She's trying to get a reaction for some reason, but no reaction you could give will achieve anything good.

Messages from other guys are terribly exciting for her, but for you, if you hope to eventually pursue a relationship with this person, reading these messages should be about as interesting as watching paint dry.

Treat these messages with the interest they deserve, which is absolutely none.

If you show any reaction, positive, or negative, you are showing that these guys and their interaction with this girl is in some way of interest to you. That's a bad thing.

What you really want to show her, is that other guys are completely unimportant to you. So unimportant that they might as well not exist.

Is a message from a non-existent entity interesting? No!

Answer 4

Your girlfriend has a reason to send these messages. You don't know the reason, I don't know the reason. Most likely she is giving you some hints about something, and you don't get the hint. Women giving hints and men not getting them is quite normal, but not very satisfying.

"Confronting" her will do you no good whatsoever. Showing her that you don't approve is quite bad, because most likely there is nothing going on that you would need to approve of.

Your two choices are figuring out what the hints are about, by listening carefully what she is saying about everything, by checking what these messages were actually saying. That would be excellent if you can figure it out correctly. And the other choice of course is asking her. Not directly asking, but saying that you don't understand it, so you are not accusing her of anything, or don't say anything that can be taken as an accusation, but to give her an opportunity to explain those hints.