How to stop people from assuming I am female on the telephone?

Question

Despite being male (both genetically and self-identified), I sound like, as a friend once stated, "an 8 year old girl". My voice is very high pitched and child-like due to brain cancer.

This is usually not a problem in person: I have a giant beard and people deduce I am male. On the telephone, however, people will call me "miss" or "madam".

That shouldn't bother me, but it does, as it reminds me of my struggle against cancer in my youth. (I am prone to think, at times, there is also a "male ego" problem involved, but I am not the macho kind, so that is probably not the main reason I am bothered).

What I have tried so far:

• Starting the conversation with a "Hello, my name is [blank]...", given my name is undoubtedly male in my culture. People will still refer to me as female, usually not immediately: I used to think they had simply forgot the beginning of the conversation, but as my culture is somewhat conservative, they could be thinking I am genetically a female that identifies as male, and refusing to address me as such.

• During one specially long and tense phone-call, after having been called "madam" in a condescending tone several times, I exploded and shouted something along the lines of "It's SIR, I sound like this because of brain cancer, you a****le!", what led to the other person immediately ending the phone-call.

So, both methods failed terribly. I would like a way of letting people know they should call me "sir", without making of it a huge deal, as I tend to be very non-confrontational and shy. Maybe using humor, with which I am slightly more comfortable, but preferably with no reference to my disease. And, above all, I want it to be natural.

Answer 1

I have a stutter. It's a small one, so people don't really realize I'm stuttering. It comes across more like I'm insecure about what I'm saying. So even though it's a bit awkward, I just tend to announce to people that I stutter, often right after I did.

Ah, FYI, I have a slight stutter, don't worry about it ! Anyway, what I was saying is...

(It doesn't help that my name starts with a letter that I tend to have trouble with...)

It's a bit awkward, but by being matter of fact and not lingering on it, the awkwardness goes as soon as it came and I am much more at ease the rest of the conversation. So although I agree with scoh001 that there's no non-strange way to prevent people from making assumptions, I think it's okay to be a little strange.

Hi, my name is GVT. Before we start, I want to mention that despite how my voice sounds I am a man, please treat me as such. [act how you would have started the conversation]

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I also want to add what some downvoted answers have touched upon : if it's something you're not doing now, it might be worth on working on this on a intrapersonal level.

I understand that this is linked with your cancer and is a sensitive subject, but the reality is : you're the one living with this hurt, and there's sadly no way to prevent anyone from misgendering you ever again.

Even with the tips and scripts you got today, some people will just not pay attention and/or be distracted and misgender you. They will go on with their lives after the call, even the one you blew up at, and you're the one in pain afterwards.

My brother had leukemia when he was a child and his growth got stunted because of medication. He was very sensitive about anything that might have to do with his height, and became a much happier and content person once he dealt with unresolved feelings linked to his cancer and his height. I don't want to put additional pressure on you that you have to be okay with how people misgender you, my hope for you is that you can lead a less painful life.

Answer 2

I don't see a nice way to preemptively prevent this. The only ways I can imagine would, to me, seem awkward or come off as strange to them.

Instead, I'd do as you've done by announcing your name to give them a hint of your gender. And then, if they do assume incorrectly, politely but firmly correct them:

OPERATOR: This plan will offer you 154 channels. Let me tell you, ma'am, this--

YOU: It's sir, actually.

Short. Simple. No need to make a big deal over it. They messed up. It happens.

This works to give them the benefit of the doubt while also not making a huge deal, so they can recover easily.

I can't say that I've been in this situation specifically, but I have had people mis-attribute things to me. Interrupting with a quick correction seems to do the trick for me. I had something like this happen with a new friend recently:

HIM: Since your birthday is in October, I thought--

ME: It's September, actually!

With my friend, I may follow up with "don't worry, you were only one off" or some other simple humor to make it clear no offense was taken. If you find that the person is a little taken aback, I may add something similar for you like

Meh, you had a 50/50 chance of getting it right (chuckle). But anyways, about those 154 channels...