18

Long story short, I've gained over 50 pounds in the 3 years since graduating high school, and I'm sick of seeing myself in the mirror. I would eat food until I felt like a bloated balloon, and then maybe one or two more bites, and I didn't notice this until a few weeks ago.

So now instead of eating 2-3 plates of food for dinner, I've cut back to 1 (2 if I'm particularly hungry). My GF has noticed, and is consistently mentioning that "You need to eat more anyway." When we go out to eat, she purposefully orders more food than she can eat, and tells me that I need to eat it. If I don't finish it for her or chuck it in the trash, she gets VERY upset with me.

How can I politely tell her that I'm not as hungry as I used to be?

  • 15
    Have you mentioned to your girlfriend what you are doing and why? How did she respond? – Jane S Feb 4 '18 at 6:02
  • Did you think of mentioning the financial imperative of not buying food that you do not want? "Lets save some money and go to the movies with it instead"? – bigbadmouse Mar 19 at 10:09
13

I have encountered this behaviour in women on several occasions already. And always by women that are not perfectly slim and fit which was never something that bothered me really. I on my part, especially lately, am very fit and pretty slim and muscular due to sports and healthy food.

And the last two girls I have been with always said that I looked too slim for them and needed to eat more. This made me think a bit, ask female friends to do research on the matter and all the girls I talked with, and the internet said.... It's simply because of insecurity on the girl's part.

In a relationship the girl wants to be the "pretty" one. And if the man is objectively more attractive it puts a lot of pressure on them. A pressure they put on themselves mind you. And because you are "closer to the perfect body" then they might be this puts their flaws more out in the open. This is something that is only in their mind sadly. Further they might fear that you get too attractive when you lose your weight and might get flirted with by more girls and might even leave her for a "prettier" one.

So, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is to stick with what makes you feel good and healthy, but you should also consider her fears because she sadly cannot do anything about it. So the best course of action you could do is to take a sit with her and talk. Talk about WHY you want to lose weight, and that it will change absolutely nothing between the two of you. And most importantly!! Show her that she is and will be the only one for you.

This will of course take some time until she might get over her anxiety and fears but if you make her feel special and she knows about your motivations her ill feelings will most certainly dissolve.

  • 3
    I would say your ability to deal with her insecurity will tell you whether you should continue the relationship. You can't possible become the solution to her insecurity, so don't fuel her blame. – Nelson Feb 6 '18 at 4:45
  • 1
    @Nelson This is definetily true. That second last person i have been with for 2 years almost, but her insecuritys were so huge that i could not bear it anymore. Of course bcause of other things than food. So i ended it. You can and should try and help her, but ultimately its her fight. – MansNotHot Feb 6 '18 at 7:11
5

Not knowing anything about your relationship (including your relationship with your girlfriend and your relationship with yourself) it will be hard for anyone to give you any fool-proof advice here.

However, you should likely wait until the next time this series of events begins (aka, next time y'all are out to eat for dinner or something) and, when it comes time to leave (aka throw away the extra entree she ordered for you!), in a manner and tone that lets her know this is important to you while simultaneously signals your appreciation for her concern, explain that you have made a decision to reverse a trend that has been going on for the past three years and you would greatly appreciate her help in making positive improvements rather than her acting as a medium through which you can be tempted to reverse this positive change.

I say to signal your appreciation for her concern because the scenario you laid out sounds rather likely that she is simply concerned that someone she has known for X amount of time to eat 3 plates of food one day starts eating 1 plate of food without any warning or explanation or other apparent reasoning. You would have a bigger problem if your significant other did not notice or have anything to say when one day you start eating approximately 66% less food than usual.

If you are a larger individual and if she also is a larger individual, it is conceivable (not guaranteed, but within the realm of possibility), that she has noticed and worries she'll wake up one day and you'll have a new, slimmer physique, and subsequently there may be a risk of her losing you. If this is even remotely possible to be the case, do not by any means suggest anything along the lines of her joining you in the endeavor. That will = sleeping on the couch for the foreseeable future. Rather, you may consider emphasizing how much you need support with this and then hope she comes up with the idea to join you in your food reduction plan!

Best of luck to you either way.

4

Oh, I'm a girlfriend that gets upset when my boyfriend doesn't eat my food. This is my point of view.

I just want to know the food I cook is still tasty and eating a lot of it helps my self esteem. In addition, I make it with good intentions (husband doesn't like vegetables, so I try to cook vegetables and cook them the way he likes it with the seasoning he likes so that he'll eat them, etc).

But the thing is, he likes his vegetables soft, and I like mine a bit more crunchy. He likes a lot of seasoning, but I like the natural flavor. So if he stops eating as much of the vegetables that I made because he's on a diet and hasn't told me, and I make an entire head of soft cheesy broccoli (i shouldn't eat cheese) that I DO NOT WANT to eat, I wasted time cooking it to the softness that he likes, I wasted money because the cheese was a little expensive, and I wasted food because I would have wanted to eat the broccoli but just not this much and not so soft and cheesy. Plus it doesn't reheat well after it's been cooked so soft so the leftovers taste bad and he sure as hell isn't going to eat it, so guess who has to eat the yucky leftovers? =( (YEAH, ME)

Most of all, I thought I had found the one vegetable that my husband would eat and now he's not eating it??? Yeah, you bet I'll be upset. You bet I'll try to force you to eat this broccoli! Why did you stop and not tell me anything?

Another thing would be if my husband were getting made fun of his weight and I'd want him to know that I love him the way he is, but he doesn't have to change for other people. IE, some people diet in a way that makes them miserable, and I wouldn't want him to force himself to diet just to please other people... but if he wanted to diet for himself, and it was completely his decision, I would respect that and try my best to help him. (I don't respect his wishes to not eat vegetables though)

This January, he told me that he wanted to try the Keto diet, so I made a few keto dishes and snacks in the proportions he wanted. Since we don't eat out anymore because of this diet, He also offered to cook more often for a few recipes he found. Maybe you could offer to cook for her sometime and make the proportions you're comfortable with? I don't know how much your gf does for you or if you take turns cooking.

But all it took was for him to tell me, "Hey, I just want to try and lose 20 lbs, can we try this diet?" and I did my best to adjust to what he wanted accordingly (he still needs to eat vegetables). So your best bet is just to tell her you want to slim down and hope she'll respect your wishes. I don't know her at all to know her insecurities, but my insecurities would be that he thinks the food I cook sucks when I try really hard to make stuff he likes and make sure he's getting some nutrients.

The restaurant part is strange but I get upset seeing wasted food (not sure what her opinion is...maybe you should ask?), so I kind of understand it. Have you offered to box the leftovers? Or do both of you not eat reheated leftovers from restaurants?

Edit: Since someone commented me asking me how to talk to someone like me. But like, meet her halfway?

"Hey, you've been cooking for me and I appreciate it, and I know you bought all these groceries, and spent all this time and money making food for me, but I just decided I want to lose weight, and these portions are a lot. Is it possible if I can eat just this much and then take the rest for lunch tomorrow? Or can you please cook smaller portions?"

I don't know if you live with your GF. But like, if you can't finish food, ask for a To Go Box or boxing the leftovers that you can't finish from your gf's dinner would make her feel a lot better than seeing you throw away the food she made. (All my opinion)

Watching you throw away her food is like watching you throw away her hard earned money on buying groceries and that you don't appreciate the time she spent making your meal. At least if you box it with an intention of eating it later... I would feel more appreciated. (All my opinion). Plus you can use the excuse "Now you don't have to cook for me tomorrow, we can eat the leftovers together" (Which I don't mind having an extra free 1-2 hours of my day free)

And if you're going to ask her specifically to cook completely different stuff for your diet, the best thing you can do is offer to cook your girlfriend a meal that you yourself would want and that she would enjoy as well.

And show her "This is how I want to eat from now on, this portion size, and more vegetables, less fried stuff etc etc."

The best thing to do if possible, go grocery shopping with her, and help pick out food and plan out what you want to eat this week together. Even better, help pay for it if you aren't already.

But if you're grocery shopping together, rein her in if she grabs too much food. Especially stuff that might spoil within a week so she'll feel the need to cook a lot at one time, etc. Buy some food storage containers, so if you can't finish something you can save it for tomorrow.

  • 8
    I think I get where you are going with this answer, but in its current form, it doesn't really provide an answer about how the OP can talk to his girlfriend. You've done a good job of providing context for why his girlfriend is behaving the way she is. Could you go into more detail as to what he can do to accomplish his goals of talking to her about it? – Rainbacon Mar 19 at 0:01
  • @Rainbacon I added some info, not sure if you need even more than that. – arsarc Mar 20 at 21:25

Your Answer

By clicking “Post Your Answer”, you agree to our terms of service, privacy policy and cookie policy

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.