How to deal with neighbors making accusations but won't hear me out?

Question

I recently received an angry knock on my door from a neighbor (renters) falsely accusing me of throwing an old newspaper into their front yard. I offered to pull my newspapers from the trash to prove it's not mine but they didn't care to hear my side of the story.

They expected me to go out to their yard, pick up their newspaper and throw it in the trash, which (to their anger) I refused to do.

They came back later that day and I tried to explain that it's not my problem but again they wouldn't hear it. I ended up shutting the door on them. Their response was to throw the newspaper at my door and shout through the door that I shouldn't start problems if I couldn't finish them.

• How can I try to reason with these people?
• How can I explain my side of the story if they refuse to hear it?
• What should I say or do if they come back again?

Answer 1

There is a single fallacy that you're having right now: don't convince them.

You have no need to tell your neighbors about how wrong they are, I seriously doubt they'll even listen. They don't want to listen. The simple solution is: don't.

You don't have to convince the opposition... you have to be able to convince the crowd.

They can stammer at you for not doing that one thing with their newspaper, but if it ever escalates, The one you'll have to convince, the officer, the newspaper company, or other official that you're right.

The neighbors may become troublesome and You'll be the one to escalate the situation. In that case, so long as you can show yourself in the right, you'll be fine.

Answer 2

The two things that you could use against a false accusation are..

1. Denial
2. Proof

.. and you already used both of these in your initial encounter. You tried to tell him it wasn't yours and you offered to get your newpapers out of the trash as proof, but he just spoke over you.

However, the encounter you had was clouded by his anger. Likely he had gone over the encounter in his head a few times before he came to your door. He may not have heard what you said because he either expected you to deny it and had already decided this would be false, or he just heard what he wanted to hear.

If you want to attempt to put this right you may wish to approach him in a day or two when he has calmed down. He will probably not be expecting this and so hopefully will not be in an angry state of mind.

Perhaps say:

I wanted to talk to you about what happened the other day. I can understand why someone else's trash in your yard would make you upset, but I want you to know, it really wasn't mine. It wasn't my newspaper and I definitely wouldn't throw trash in someone else's yard.

See what he says. Ideally he will accept what you say, and you may even get an apology. However, if he doesn't accept it or becomes hostile again you could just say:

The fact is that you can ask everybody in this neighbourhood if they saw me throw a newspaper in your yard and you won't find a single one, because I didn't do it. But I bet a few of them saw and heard you throw it at my door. If you come to my home in a threatening manner again or throw anything at my property, I will report you to the police.

That really puts things in perspective. He did something wrong when he threw it at your door, and you could likely prove it. But hopefully it won't come to that.

Answer 3

This is just a guess, but I guess the newspaper is not really the problem. I guess there were other problems maybe days or weeks ago which upset your neighbors (maybe with reason, maybe not). And after they (in their mind) suffered from your behavior over time now they decided to accuse you directly.

I would think about what other issues might happened in the past which might have upset them. Maybe you can talk to other neighbors what is going on.

I think it's unlikely that the newspaper was/is the only issue here.

If you like google: "Watzlawick hammer" and you will find an interesting story from a book which reminds me of you situation. Good luck!

Answer 4

First give him some time to cooldown

Then as you already say your neighbour doesn't hear you, then show him:

He already throw the yard paper to you. go to your trash can and take a picture of both paper. Try to make the dates or the front pages visible.

You can add a comment: Thanks for the paper but I already have mine. Hope you can find the original owner. Let me know if I can do anything else to help.

Nothing sarcastics, not confrontational, just polite.

Then you can send the picture by Whatsapp or any other messenger. Just dont talk to him right now because he is already upset and isn't listening to reasons.