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I am a 21-year-old student. I work with another 21-year-old boy in the same club. We've been texting each other since May 2017 related to work. Recently, there's been an uptick in the number of texts related to personal stuff (favourite colour, favourite movies etc.) We now chat 24/7. It is nowhere flirtatious (we just call each other 'dear' sometimes). We also meet up at the college, even if we have no club-related work. We then talk about a lot of things that are far removed from work. When we talk, we are not distracted by what may happen around us, our gazes are fixed on one another and we smile a lot.

What puzzles me is that he's actually very shy, especially with girls, but he's been dedicating time for me despite his busy schedule. This has led me to have some feelings for him lately, but I don't know if he, too, does. I am a girl who can't hide her feelings for more than a while. I usually confess or go to the point of confession. We will be working together for the next few months. There is a chance that my tongue will betray me someday. I would want to know from him how he feels about me without making it awkward. I don't know how to do it. I am sure I don't have an ephemeral feeling, it's backed by the effort we take to know each other knowing that we have only a few months left in college.

P.S - During one of our conversations, he mentioned that he did not believe in Valentine's week.

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All that attention from him is probably a good sign, but the only way to know for sure is for someone to come out and say something.

You could certainly make the first move and ask him whether he'd like to discuss [insert topic here] over coffee. If he agrees you could reply with something along the lines of:

Great, it's a date!

and see how he reacts. If it all works out, and you get a good vibe, you can end the meeting with an encouragement for him to ask you out:

That was fun, we should do this again sometime! Give me a call.

That way you're not over-committing, but you're also giving him a hint in case he's too shy to make the first move.


You mention that you've gone on similar "dates" (although you didn't call them that), and that he in return asked you out on walks, etc. In which case, it appears you're in a bit of a stalemate. At this point someone needs to up the ante, and say something to push the situation to a resolution.

Designating another of your meetings as a date may be enough to initiate a conversation, or judge whether the other person is made uncomfortable, or very happy by your choice of words.

However, if that doesn't work you may well have to come out and say something:

I have developed feelings for you, I'd like to know if you feel the same way about me.

As you mentioned, school will be ending soon, and you'll be going your separate ways. You really have nothing to lose if it doesn't for the way you had hoped, but you stand to gain quite a bit if he feels the same way about you.

  • We did go out to have juice, I initiated it. He asked me out on a walk the next day. – BlackSwan Feb 7 '18 at 17:27
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    @blackswan - then you need to up the ante a little bit. The "date" comment may be enough of a hint to get him to come out of his shell. However, if it's not, you may need to literally sit him down and say "I have developed feelings for you, I'd like to know if you feel the same way about me". There's a risk, but such is life. You should also include those details in your post. – AndreiROM Feb 7 '18 at 17:29
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I've been in a very similar situation, and I spoke to them about it. Be honest, and make it very clear that you're willing to respect their choice whatever it is. Feelings can stew and turn bad if they're left unaddressed.

There is nothing wrong with wanting more from a good relationship (it's a massive complement) but you have to make sure you respect your friends feelings if they decline.

Nothing happened between me and my friend romatically, but we got closer, and ended up being very good friends.

A few minor notes.

Throwing out 'Dear' every now and then can sometimes be a safe little clue for the other person you might want a bit more.

I also have a hate of valentines because im a bitter f*ck who's got no-one to share it with, you might be able to change that for them which is a really lovely thing to give someone.

Good luck with what ever you choose to do.

  • Very insightful. This is what I've been looking for. – BlackSwan Feb 21 '18 at 4:48
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Talk about relationships, about partners and ideal ones. If his described ideal partner sounds similar to you then say something like.

Oh, I'm not 'Friend-zoned' yet then!

Which gives them the opportunity to talk further and gives them the hint that you don't wish to be seen as just a friend.

Ask him his thoughts on dating colleagues. An answer like:

Oh, I don't see that it should matter.

Won't tell you anything but

I would never date a colleague, its so unprofessional

gives you a pretty clear clue.

Over all, keep things light and jokey, don't make them feel you're backing them (or yourself) into a corner with a serious conversation about your relationship. If its a light conversation you can back out and change track pretty easily, a serious one could make things awkward at work if the answer isn't the one you want.

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    Theese questions towards someone very shy could lead him to answer the opposite of what he thinks to avoid putting him in a situation where his feelings may be revealed and thus leading OP in the wrong direction – Rolexel Feb 8 '18 at 8:36
  • @AlexandreAudin If this is a possibility then, whatever the OP's attempt, if they don't admit first (and risk affecting their work environment) surely no subtle attempt will be free from the risk of the shy person lying. Rather than a comment on my answer perhaps this should be a comment to the question itself? – Lio Elbammalf Feb 8 '18 at 12:09
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    I'm not sure about it, I tink the best way is to be honest about it and it has already been answered, turning around the subjet has too high chances to make them both believe uncorrect things. If he's to shy to admit his feelings when OP is honest that's another story and we can do anything against that – Rolexel Feb 8 '18 at 12:18
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Do you have feelings for him: You have confirmed Does he have feelings for you: Potentially but with a tad bit of unlikeliness given he is shy around girls as you say. Fine you say you text beyond regular work but that is just him getting closure and being platonic and not necessarily exhibiting interest or as some will say, flirting.

Are you interested in him?: Question to yourself. If you are then don't BS yourself or anyone and ask him out, you're adults.

How to find out if he shares the feelings you do?: Ask

How to ask?: Repeat after me, "Hey so I need to get this thought out of my head and I need you to be completely honest and don't BS me, do you or do you not have feelings or like a thing for me?"

He doesn't have to know you have feelings for him ahead of your question(Recommended).

Whatever answer he give, you work with that.

  • Welcome to IPS! 1. If he's shy and OP is direct about it (as per your answer), it would potentially ruin the entire relationship that they have now and make it awkward, which isn't what OP wants. 2. I've seen your other answers as well. You need to substantiate your answer with personal experience and explain how it worked for you. How can you be sure your approach will work for OP if you haven't had similar experiences? – enlighten_me Jun 14 '18 at 1:24

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