Amusingly, the same stuff nearly happened to me the first and only time I went with my GF to a restaurant on valentine's day: traffic jams were a lot worse than usual, the restaurant had overbooked so we would have had to wait for at least an hour under pouring rain while listening to angry couples yelling at each other and breaking up, etc, anyway the usual v-day night stuff, my friend who owns a restaurant says it's always like that.
So, she said something like "I'm so sorry I insisted all week for this!" (best possible answer LOL), we decided to "screw that, we'll come back next week" and had some Chinese take out instead, followed by a night of celebrating love... it's valentine's day after all!
How people handle problems and mistakes (theirs, and the mistakes of others) tells a lot about their character. In the above anecdote I was very happy about her reaction.
So, in chronological order, let's start with the cactus. When you received a cactus with your name misspelled, you could have chosen to...
- Ignore the problem completely
You decide the cactus is cute, shrug it off, everything's fine, it's unusual and creative, why not, kumbaya, etc.
- Solve or remove the problem
A cactus is quite an unusual gift on valentine's day, so it would not have been out of place to ask why a cactus. Maybe he had an actual reason, like it lasts much longer than roses, or it makes really nice flowers once a year, or it's environmentally friendly, who knows. Or maybe it was the only thing left in the flower store because flowers were sold out, which wouldn't be surprising on valentine's day. Or maybe he thinks you're prickly, but if he does, that's useful information that you'd also want to know...
Likewise for the misspelled name. Maybe the store clerk wrote it and he didn't check. Or maybe he just doesn't know how to spell it, which I agree would be bad.
- Pretend to ignore it, yet assume the worst and hold a grudge
- Create more problems and pile them up on top of the original one
Well, that sounds more like it, since you say you "got pissed". But what I find more interesting is what you don't say: whether you asked why you got a cactus, why the name was misspelled, and what he answered if you did ask. In fact, you don't write any information about him... And people here would need to know more about him in order to answer this question: "How to tactfully let this person know that he disappointed me and I expect better?"
For example, when you were told you would have to wait because he didn't have a reservation, what did he say?
In fact, you talk about him a bit like you would talk about an appliance or other commodity... So, we don't know anything about his current mood. For example, all these scenarios are possible...
- He already knows you were disappointed, and will make an apology later, in this case all you have to do is accept it with a smile. Maybe he's on a similar internet forum, posting his own take on this and asking how to fix things!...
- Or, after observing your problem-solving skills, maybe he won't be answering your calls anymore.
- Or he doesn't care.
- Or he's completely clueless and did not realize you were disappointed. I find this one a bit hard to believe, but who knows.
Anyway. To answer your question. This will be generic since I have no information about him. I'd suggest starting with the easiest. Forget about the rest of the incident for now and ask why you got a cactus.
Apologize for getting pissed, laugh about it, then find out why he picked that unusual gift choice. If you agree with his reasons, this removes your reasons for being angry about the cactus, which should put you both in a much better mood. Likewise, even if you disagree with his reasons, at least listen to them. If you want him to do better in the future, you have to tell him how, ie, talk.
At this point it is safe to talk about the restaurant fiasco, and conclude that eating out on valentine's day is the Worst Idea Ever due to obvious logistics reasons, maybe next year you will have a cozy evening at home and he will cook that special recipe from his granma which totally rocks.
Basically, view it as "let's see what went wrong so next time will be better" instead of assigning blame.