An old friend and I reconnected and I asked her out for coffee for a chance to catch up. It wasn't a date, but more of an opportunity to see if we still had the same rapport that we used to have. I'm not sure if she saw it the same way or really how she saw it at all, but that's beside the point.

I'd like to interact with her more often, and explore the option of dating her exclusively down the road which leads me to my current problem, what comes after coffee? I think it is too early to go into date-mode (though perhaps I'm wrong), and short of group interactions with mutual friends, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.

  • 1
    We can't tell you what you're supposed to do. You need to figure that out for yourself.
    – sphennings
    Feb 24 '18 at 22:35
  • some relevant ideas: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/8654/… Feb 25 '18 at 3:07
  • When you asked her if she feels the same way, what was her response?
    – Masked Man
    Feb 25 '18 at 8:56
  • With my current wife, that comes from a relatively conservative culture, we had a few coffees and start going to the beach several times before getting into anything more serious. Feb 25 '18 at 19:18

You don't indicate your age. The younger you are, the slower you would probably want to take things, both for your sake and for the girl's.

Why not start by giving her a call, and just talking for a bit? You could tell her you enjoy talking to her, that having coffee with her was great, something along that line, see how she responds. Unless the girl is rather young and inexperienced, she would probably get an inkling of where you're leading with this, and this would be a comfortable situation for her to tell you that she's not interested in anything romantic. If she responds positively, you could then ask something like "what would you say if I asked you for dinner?" Keep it light, so she can comfortably back out into "let's just be friends" without it being awkward, but if she doesn't, it's a date.

If you don't want to ask her on a date yet (it's not about generally too early or not - There are no hard rules. It's about how you feel), you can text or call, tell her you've had fun hanging out with her, and then ask her if she'd like to join you for some activity that'd be less 1-on-1: if you're hosting a party, invite her. If you're going bowling with some friends, ask her to join. Something like that. Make sure she isn't the only girl there, not all girls present are your male friends' girlfriends, and that it isn't a sneak double-date. That way, you can hang out, without it being an official date yet. A double date is another option you could go for, but if that's what you want, be open about it.

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