My spouse and I left our hometowns more than 10 years ago and got to know each other in the city where we are living now. The distance to our hometowns is about a 3 and a half hours drive in opposite directions. We used to travel home at least once a month in the past over the years for birthdays or other events, or just to go skiing or whatever and meet our friends and families.
Now, since we got to know each other, we started to reduce the visits because our families live in different directions - my former girlfriend's family lived in the same direction as mine, so it had been easier to handle. Not seeing our families and friends hurts somehow and the less we see them the less we have in common. What hurts especially is that they don't tend to visit us. They also don't call us unless we ask them or invite them again and again to do so. My brother's family never managed to visit me within the 10 years I live here. I've been there at least several times each year, as they live close to my parents, sister and friends. Even my parents don't call us until something bad happened. I once stopped calling them for several weeks and after I called again, they just asked if I am still alive :-)
When we get there everything is just normal like we have never been away. I have a rather big family with loads of aunts, uncles and cousins, and they all move up together in a distance of about 100 miles and it was always quite nice to get the big family together. My spouse's family is much smaller, but they show similar symptoms. Same thing with our friends: they are happy when we visit them, but only 1 or 2 of them did come round here.
Now we tried to get some kinde of "tribe" established here in the city where we live to cope with that family stuff. But most people do have good old friends here already or are always busy with family (we do not have kids, it's difficult). So most of the time we try to organize something and some people gather and have fun - but if we don't arrange or ask there is just silence on the other side. I am already fed up with this now and started thinking "Oh come on, let's just do the stuff I like the best on my own and not care about others".
I sometimes think about moving to different places - we are both situated in the middle of Germany - because it doesn't matter if the people here speak a different dialect or a completely different language. Maybe Italian or Spanish people are easier to deal with and not so complicated in befriending each other, especially while there is more sunshine.
We are not really introverted, ugly or bad people. We are funny, love sports (despite my girlfriend's food allergy, which makes her unable to eat most food, thus lacking energy sometimes), go dancing, love to go out to concerts and shows and so on. Maybe this is normal to modern times and we should just give up and do the stuff we like and not bother. Maybe you do have any other useful tips aside telling our family or friends - they either don't seem to take this seriously or just somehow don't feel it or just don't mind.
How can we communicate to our friends and families that we expect them to reach out for us and not just wait for us to make the first contact?