I am a 19 years old male from Canada. I have this friend (Let's call her Alice) who I've known for a few years. Since both our birthdays are on the same date and we have a lot of friends in common, we've been celebrating our birthday party together for the past years.
This year, we plan to do the same but there's a problem. Alice recently (about 1 to 2 months ago) broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years (Let's call him Steve). Steve is a close friend of mine, he's part of our mutual friend group, he has been there at most of our birthday parties and I really want him to be there this year. However, when I told this to Alice over the phone, she said after a long silence that she'd rather not invite him but that she will think about it.
My question is : How can I sensitively talk to my friend about my desire to invite her ex to our party?
I feel it's unfair not to invite him just because he's her ex. He was a part of our friend group before they started dating and he's friends with pretty much everyone we want to invite at the party. Also, the party will take place in a downtown bar and there will be a lot of people, so even if he's there, they can simply limit their interactions and enjoy their night with the other people they want to see. They had no problem doing this at the house party for the birthday of a friend in our mutual friend group. However, I do understand that it's her birthday party this time so she doesn't want to deal with having her ex around in the same bar she's in but I think it's necessary to compromise, given the circumstances.
Here's what happened : I stopped trying to convince Alice to invite Steve. During the day before the party, Steve kept messaging me saying that he really wanted to show up even if he was not invited. I told him it was a bad idea and that he should at least ask Alice instead of showing up unannounced. He asked Alice and she told him that as long as they did not interact, she would not mind him being there. So Steve came to the party, it was a great night, everyone had fun and since then, it seems like they've been able to attend the same events without being annoyed by the presence of each other.