Me and my girlfriend (Let’s call her Alice) had a small misunderstanding;

We both have an own house in different cities, but most of the time we are together in one of the houses. This weekend I had to sleep somewhere else for one night. When I left, Alice was still at my home. She doesn’t like it when she is there all by her own and I totally understand that. So I ask her why she didn’t go to a friend’s house or her parents who live fairly close to my house. She liked that idea but she didn’t have a lot of money. For me, money is not really a problem so I wanted to give her some money for the train and buses. The only thing she had to do is send me some info so I could transfer some money to her public transport card. She agreed to this plan and she would send me the information.

I never got the info and because of this, I though she had a solution on her own. I didn’t talk to her that day but we contacted each other with some messages and nothing sounded off. When I contacted her today, she sounded a little bit angry and asked me why I never ask her about the info. I told her that I was waiting on her message and thought she had found a solution on her own. I was very busy with things so my mind wasn’t on this problem. We also agreed that she will send me the info and told her this on the phone.

She was still not happy and didn’t understand why I didn’t ask her about it. The reason behind this is that she doesn’t like to ask for money and she didn’t know what info she had to send me.

How I see it, is that she had to do the first step. She has a problem and not me. I see a simple solution for her to fix this problem. Just called me on the end of the day and asked how my day was and just remind me that she was travelling that evening to her parents.

How can I make it clear to her that the only thing she had to do was contact me and reminded me?

Also I want to ask how I can make it clear that she can always ask money if she needs it? I think this is the big problem for her because of her pride (this is a assumption) as in the past I have borrowed money from her and this was never a problem.

Notes: Me and alice are in a relation for over 3 years. We live in North-Westerly Europe.

  • 2
    How did the conversation go of you offering to give her money? "I don't have a lot of money" "I can send you some" "I'll like that" "Ok, send me your public transport card number". How did you manage to get out of that conversation without agreeing on what she's supposed to send you? Why does she use not liking asking for money as an excuse when you've already agreed to send her money? "Here's the info you asked for" is not asking for money.
    – NotThatGuy
    Mar 11, 2018 at 11:55
  • thats exactly what i was thinking. We agreed on the part that i send her some money and she will send me the card number. Mar 12, 2018 at 7:29

2 Answers 2


As this is something that's already happened, there's nothing you can really do in this specific situation again (and it may be easier to just drop this topic and let her cool off about it, rather than you continually talking about it - as by doing so you are potentially implying that it was her fault).

However, in the future you can simply remind her yourself. Instead of assuming she has found an alternative way you should remind her yourself, just by popping her a short message as follows:

"Hey, just wanted to check do you still need some extra money or are you good?"

If she's found a solution to the problem she (hopefully) will reply to inform you that she has found an alternative way, and that she no longer needs your help. If she does still need your help, however, she will (again hopefully) reply to your message with any questions she might need to ask you.

In terms of making her aware that in future she can ask for money herself, just be very proactive in offering her assistance, if you have any reason to doubt she has sufficient funds, you can just discreetly ask her "Do you have enough funds to cover x?". Eventually she may get the message and will eventually start asking herself, however if it is her pride as you suggest it may be the case that she will almost never ask - however you can still take care of her and make sure she has enough money by discreetly asking her whenever you doubt she has enough.

  • 1
    I like your idea and it was probaly a little bit short sighted of me to assume she will send me the info. Thanks Mar 12, 2018 at 7:32
  • 1
    Or simply "Hey, I'm still waiting for you to send your card number". @J.VanHalm
    – NotThatGuy
    Mar 12, 2018 at 14:17
  • @J.VanHalm In most situations you'd be correct that the burden is on the asker, but when it comes to money people can be very reluctant because they don't want to seem pushy. In addition to this answer I would also remind her "don't feel bad about reminding me when I've offered to give you money, you're a lot more important to me than the money is" or somesuch
    – Cronax
    Mar 13, 2018 at 16:10

In general it's hard for someone to ask for money. Hardly anyone likes to make this first step so I think your title doesn't hit the reality. If you really want to give someone money, you should so the first step and make the offer.

But the rest of your text sounds like you did that which is a good start. Now I wonder how does

She agreed to this plan and she would send me the information.


she sounded a little bit angry and asked me why I never ask her about the info.

go together for her? You already expected her to send this information, didn't you?

she didn’t know what info she had to send me.

Can you know that, assuming the thing was already planned? Why didn't she ask that right away? You should clarify that to understand the situation and to make her understand your position.

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