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Context:

I am an introvert; I would classify myself as a creative problem solver with a love for art/math/science. Specifically drawing, computer programming, solving mathematical equations etc. My favourite of these is my passion for drawing and creativity. Although I class myself as an introvert, I do have some tendencies towards leadership. People seem to like me but I sometimes avoid conversations as I hate to start things. However on occasions where someone says I cannot then I usually try to prove them wrong. I have tried to socialize with women, but I seem more able to talk to men. I talk to women mostly for work but my I can't seem to find a women to hang out with or date. It's worth noting that most of my work colleagues like me, so I don't come across abrasive, or dislikeable as far as I am aware.

The Problem:

The interpersonal problem is two fold, firstly how would someone with my personality factors start to learn or understand techniques to open a dialog with members of the opposite sex that illicit a more personal and or emotional response from them. Secondly, what are some of the better environments I could go to, to help with this, I.E. Arts centers, gyms, academic schools etc.

closed as too broad by sphennings, OldPadawan, Jess K., apaul, Catija Mar 16 '18 at 16:43

Please edit the question to limit it to a specific problem with enough detail to identify an adequate answer. Avoid asking multiple distinct questions at once. See the How to Ask page for help clarifying this question. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

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    Unfortunately dating advice is outside the scope of this site. We're here to answer questions about interpersonal skills. "Where to meet women?" isn't a question about an interpersonal skill. – sphennings Mar 16 '18 at 16:20
  • I wanted to learn etiquette for dating/talking so as not to alarm a woman and be able to state my intentions. Its not really about dating specifically but I may need to edit my question to clarify. – jeffery Mar 16 '18 at 16:25
  • @jeffery It's best to usually just have one identifiable question, and currently the only one I can see is "What kind of places should I be socializing more?" which isn't on topic, and is definitely opinion based (which is another reason questions usually get put on hold). We can't tell you what you should/should not do, but we can discuss the interpersonal skills you could utilize to accomplish a specific goal, if you can make that clearer what your goal is in your post. – Jess K. Mar 16 '18 at 16:27
  • @JessK, I edited that sentence to be more specific so its not as general. – jeffery Mar 16 '18 at 16:29
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    Note: Iam mostly looking at the etiquette side but the meeting places is so I do not look socially ackward by women but the edit by @Digitalsa1nt is great. – jeffery Mar 16 '18 at 16:45
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There are two parts to your question.

Part 1: How to meet people in general.

50% of people are women so as you meet more people you will meet more women.

Solution: Go out in the world, and engage in activities.

I have found (in my life, as well as in the lives of others) that the more I am out and about, the more people I meet, and the more things I learn/experience.

So go sign up for a class (or several), or join a club that meets regularly. You mention you love drawing, so start taking classes, and going to exhibits.

Don't be afraid to try new things either. If you don't like that particular activity, you can choose to never touch it again, and forming opinions informed by real world experience will make you a more interesting person, which will help get you get more attention not only from women, but everyone.

Part 2: How to engage in dialogue, and connect with the opposite gender.

Solution: Stop paying attention to how you feel, and start focusing all your attention on the other person.

This one comes from Jordan Peterson - a clinical psychologist in Toronto. If you are paying attention to the other person:

A) they are going to like that, and B) you can't worry or second guess yourself because all of your attention is on them. You will literally forget your own fears and inadequacies.

You may not be very good at this from the start. That's OK; practice makes perfect. You may also need to work on some of you skills involved in having a dialog, but I don't know enough to know what advice you need on that front.

Unless you have Autism or Aspergers you will most likely be able to pick up on what works in a conversation and what doesn't so long as you are paying attention to the other person first, and foremost.

Good luck!

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    Hello Dan, I've edited your answer a little bit in order to improve the formatting; I hope you don't mind. I'm not sure why you've gathered so many down-votes as you give solid advice which could successfully be user by people of both genders, and any sexual orientation. Keep up the good work! – AndreiROM Mar 16 '18 at 17:33
  • Yes, I saw this earlier and this edit is super and more detailed. I am sorry for the late mention but I do have ADHD but that's not nearly as bad as autism. You tend to interrupt sometimes but usually my smart side keeps me acting fine. I think your right on the second guessing. It can sometimes cause you to appear weird and inappropriate instead of being yourself aka impress someone vs being natural. That's probably my biggest problem is guessing/assuming about something or second guessing. – jeffery Mar 16 '18 at 17:52
  • @AndreiROM I am always very grateful for edits on my posts. I'm typing them out fast and don't do a very good read through before posting. So Thank You. – Dan Anderson Mar 16 '18 at 19:31
  • Yeah. I tries all of those things, learnt a few cool jazz dance moves, did some sculpture, dabbled in watercolours, have a cupboard full of bowls to show for the pottery class period. But what worked for me was online dating where I could get to know someone, digitally at first, at my own pace. Online allowed me to find someone with similar traits to me when real-life didn’t play to my strengths. We get along great, but as my mother says, we don’t spoil anther couple... – Spagirl Mar 16 '18 at 21:11
  • Important: don't do activities that you don't like, just to be there. This won't make you feel good. Do something you like, that's where you meet people you'll have a good topic to talk to. If you are introverted, find an engagement that doesn't mainly attract extroverted people such as gym or other new trendy things. Don't think it's your fault if you are not able to converse with everybody, this is just the way life works. For me it helped to find out I do NOT need and want to get into contact with everyone else. – puck Mar 17 '18 at 9:56

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