I'm struggling to connect more with my mom and want to know how to overcome one of the most significant boundaries that keeps ruining our efforts. In short the challenge is that we have such different views and values when it comes to politics, budgeting, long-term life decisions and priorities. When it comes to life decisions & personal values it appears to me my mom is often self-sabotaging herself. When it comes to political views my mom attacks mine and we have fierce, passionate disagreements (political divide like is happening in many parts of the European world).
A little context:
My mom raised my sister and I mostly on her own. That wasn't easy for her. Fast forward, and I changed my life for the better with education, hard work, and a mixed bag of luck with at least some positive. I now live in a different country than my mom and sister.
My mom and I talk on average about once a week and see each other on average once a year for about a week. We care about each other and let one another know. Where our relationship falls apart is in challenging personal quirks (example: How to deal with person offloading their indecision on their host under guise of kindness?) and - the main interest in this question - in views & values. Here are two examples of how my mom differs painfully in...
...political views: My mother ridicules people who share my political values, and has what I see as extremist ideas in support of very conservative government, opposing any civil rights or human rights codes
...and personal values: My mom has never been good at managing money, and she's made her life harder a number of times through rash decisions, impulsive purchases, or simply bad strategies in my opinion. One example is buying a house. She lived in a dangerous neighborhood and it took a while but she was finally convinced to move. I urged her to make a frugal, safe purchase in order to gain personal and financial security which is especially important as she nears retirement and the country around her is struggling. She decided to buy a more expensive place, in a more upscale building. It hurts me to see her act in ways that look like self-sabotage to me, no matter how I empathize and try to see her reasoning.
What can I do to overcome these differences in views & values, to try to build a lasting healthy relationship with my mom? I want us to be able to share how things are going in life, and eventually I see that my mom would need someone she can turn to as she's older. At this rate, we can barely be open with each other (we try, inevitably it crashes and burns and it takes time to heal & reconnect), and if she tried moving to my country for retirement it would be a disaster (we can't tolerate living each others roofs and she gets pretty helpless when out of her routine/being in a new place).