I bought a gift for my friend who I also have a crush on, he is not aware of this fact. I purchased the gift that he chose 8 months ago, since then he has made no effort to meet me in order for me to hand him this gift. Excuses have often been related to him having a lot of work. That said I have noticed that he is meeting up with other friends.

My Issue

Obviously I feel bad about this, because I put so much effort, not to mention money into the gift that I purchased for him. I don't feel as though I should give him the present anymore, as I feel both disappointed and ignored.

Interpersonal problem

Given that I no longer want to hand him the gift, but knowing that he is aware that I have bought a gift for him, how do I handle this situation without seeming as though I am ridiculous.

closed as off-topic by curiousdannii, baldPrussian, Rory Alsop, Jesse, heather Apr 22 '18 at 22:43

This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:

  • "This question does not appear to be about interpersonal skills, within the scope defined in the help center." – curiousdannii, baldPrussian, Rory Alsop, Jesse, heather
If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

  • does the friend know about the gift? Has the friend finally agreed to meet or is this a hypothetical question? – Kate Gregory Mar 24 '18 at 16:43
  • yes he knows about the gift and he has chosen it. yes it is a hypothetical question. PS. he has posted photos of his outings with other friends. – Marvel LePont Mar 24 '18 at 16:50
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    For example, "what can I say to a friend who knows I bought an expensive gift for him months ago, but will not get together with me so I can give it to him, if he now tries to schedule a meeting?" That is an IPS question. Or "how can I remind a friend who has been too busy to see me that I have an expensive gift I would like to give him?" Also an IPS question. Once you know what you want to do, people can help you with how to say it, and that sort of thing. – Kate Gregory Mar 24 '18 at 17:24
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    The real question you might ask yourself is, why is the friend too busy to meet with you and receive the gift, when he has time to meet other friends? Rather more importantly, does he know about the crush? If you could explain more about your interpersonal equation with this friend we could try to help you, but as noted by @Kate Gregory you should formulate your goal (as in what you want to do) and edit that into your Q to avoid its being closed for asking "should I do this" or "what should I do", which type of questions are not allowed here. – English Student Mar 24 '18 at 18:35
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    You said he chose the gift in a comment. Can you give more detail about that in your question? If he asked for an expensive gift and is now blowing you off,, that's different from you buying an expensive gift that he may feel uncomfortable accepting. – Kat Apr 2 '18 at 0:18

I bought a gift for my friend who I also have a crush on, he is not aware of this fact

Oh he knows it I would dare to conjecture. On that premise I would suggest to you that the reason he is avoiding you is because he does not want to encourage you.

It is very uncomfortable for someone when a friend has a crush on them and that someone is not interested in a "relationship" with that friend. Your gift to him is simply an unwanted advance.

Given that I no longer want to hand him the gift, but knowing that he is aware that I have bought a gift for him, how do I handle this situation without seeming as though I am ridiculous.

You actually can't without looking a little ridiculous. Because you would still be something less then straight forward about things. It doesn't really matter what you do with the gift. What really matters is whether or not you lay drama on him about what you did with the gift, including if what you did was give it to him. Because what your gift is about (IMHO) is not giving your friend a gift that they will appreciate, but giving a friend a gift so they will notice you and like you more. You're trying to get something for yourself in other words, and your friend may not be feeling "it" with you so there you go.

The gift, it seems to me, is an unwanted advance on your part. Advances are fine, it is how we up the levels of our relationships with people. But when they prove to be unwanted, it's time to let the notion of a more meaningful relationship with someone go. Time to gracefully move on emotionally.

I feel very bad because I put so much effort and money into the gift. what can I do if he now tries to schedule a meeting?*

*this was quoted from OPs original version since edited out.

Considering what I wrote before, this may sound like strange advice. But if you understood what I was trying to convey: You will go and give him the gift. And a hug, and show him that you like him, and have a really great time with him, and who knows where it could go from there. Just get over the BS with him. The reasons he could have been avoiding you are not only what I conjectured before, they could be his shyness about opening up to you or any number of reasons. But whatever the reason, good or bad for you, accept that. If it's bad, he just met to tell you to stay away, own your own emotions about it, don't lay it on him. He would be doing an honorable thing by being honest with you, helping you to resolve this thing, and especially by not taking advantage of you.

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