With my significant other, occasionally emotional conflict arises where one of us feels like their needs aren't being met. Under normal circumstances, one of us could just make an extra effort to validate or support the other.
Recently, a conflict arose where both of us felt hurt by the other and that our emotional needs during the pain were not being met. Furthermore, our needs seemed to be in opposition and attack the other in the sense that my needs and pain seemed to attack her more, and her's seemed to attack me more.
This led to a fairly severe conflict where both of us felt deeply hurt and like we weren't able to get the support we wanted from each other. With smaller issues, it would be easier to put aside our pain and support the relationship, but in this case, the conflict kind of hit deeply held triggers for anxiety that ultimately led to both of us having enough anxiety to cause trouble sleeping/eating and other symptoms.
Although we have made major steps towards resolution by painfully setting aside our pain at great personal cost and making attempts to understand the other and communicate more effectively, I am concerned as to how we deal with such situations. The approach we took seems to have caused unnecessary pain. I have thought about ways to approach such conflicts, such as having each person write down what they are feeling and then share the written statement, but nothing seems to be a super sound way to avoid causing further damage.
What is a better way to approach a resolution to such problems?