14

Recently I faced a problem, My colleague is high tempered and we were discussing something on some topic.

Suddenly he started shouting after that I realize that whatever I was explaining, he is unable to understand.
I started to explain it again in different way with example. Still his behavior was the same. There were other guys also.

Everyone else understood what I explained.

I want to know how to deal with such guys?

How to tell him politely to be calm when he is not listening to me?

  • 1
    Could you add a country tag to this question, and edit this question and add some information about the cultural context? The answer to this question will depend on your cultural context. – user288 Aug 4 '17 at 3:49
  • That this question is currently receiving close-votes may be a consequence of this. It might help to narrow down the question and include answers to the following questions: What country/culture are you from? What topic were you discussing? How did the other guys react? Have you already tried anything else than just explaining in another way/with another example, like asking him to calm down? How did you do that if you did that? Without those details, the question is very broad. – Tinkeringbell Oct 10 '17 at 15:06
17

The short answer is, you shouldn't have to. In a professional setting, I wouldn't expect anyone to be shouting, unless that's part of their job. That said, that's the situation you're in, so it doesn't warrant dismissal of your question - I'd just say that you're not under any obligation to manage his behaviour. If he is being unreasonable, that's on him.

Here's some pretty general advice that might help:

  • Listen to him. He might be going about it in an unprofessional way, but he might have also have a point.
  • Make him feel acknowledged - just as important as listening is showing him that you're listening. Do your best to sympathise with his position.
  • Try to avoid telling him what to do. Telling an angry person to "calm down" can be further infuriating. Instead you're better off framing it around yourself. "This discussion is getting a bit too heated for me." That puts the onus on him to calm down, without making a "blaming" statement.
  • Don't take it personally. Emotionally charged conversation tends to leave behind the "pleasantries" of normal conversation. Even though he's projecting anger onto you, it's likely he's angry for other reasons.
  • If it gets untenable, suggest a different way of non-verbal communication. Emails give you both time to think about what you're saying, and also time to process or reread previous conversation.
  • Listening to the words through the shouting will clarify for you if there are addressable issues and what they are, and you can choose to address those issues or not; the remainder you can choose to either discard or review for yourself later. Definitely, you don't have to take it personally. – user117529 Aug 4 '17 at 1:42
9

"Don't stand in the way of an angry bull"

It's some advice I found useful and have tried to follow.

When a person is angry, there's not much you can do to reason with them. It's best to leave them alone, and come back some other time to somehow bring up your subject and discuss with them.

Listen more, speak less.

If the person feels comfortable explaining their side to you, they will find less reason to stay angry.

Sometimes it's just a bad time.

People often direct their anger and frustration towards unsuspecting targets. Maybe they're not really angry at you. So don't try to engage in a conversation when they're not in the mood. It will then make them actually angry at you.

2

You don't have to put up with this at work. The guy is not going to stop shouting if you accept it and accommodate him. He will continue to shout at you and everyone else.

Leave the room. Go to your boss. Complain. It is your boss's job to deal with this.

If you just put up with it it will poison the atmosphere for you and everyone else.

1

Workplace communication has to be really professional.

If someone shouts at you, unless he is a personal friend of yours - which is also not acceptable in a professional setting, there is no reason for you to feel obliged to pacify him.

I usually refrain myself from engaging in any serious discussion with such people.

His anger issues are not your problem. You don't have to take the wrath. By that, I don't mean to say that you should avoid totally him. Please maintain a distance with him! All we can do is change our behaviour towards such people to protect ourselves from getting emotionally harmed.

But, hey..if you are really friends with the person and would like to help him through his issues, that is a totally different kettle of fish!

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