2

As a follower to my previous question, I want to ask a girl I was friends with if she indeed wanted to go out with me. To sum up, there was a rumor stating that she wanted to go out with me, and I want to check if it is true by asking her directly.

Since this topic is kind of personal, we were mere friends and have not seen each other for a few months, I would like to know how to ask her such a thing without sounding too direct or brutal.

I'm interested in a way of asking her if she had a crush on me as I feel saying "Hi, did you have a crush on me?" is just too blunt.

By the way, she is at the other side of the country so dating (at least regular dating) is hard and next to impossible.

  • I edited some stuff to hopefully clarify the problem. There was a rumor stating she might want to go out with me and I want to ask her if the rumor was telling the truth. However, it is a direct and personal question. How can I be more subtle/ less brutal? – Hawker65 Apr 3 '18 at 14:42
  • I just want to know if she indeed wanted to go out with me but I want to know how to ask this without being brutally direct. The rest is not part of the problem. Basically, how can I be more subtle? – Hawker65 Apr 4 '18 at 8:19
  • It's not weakness, I just want to make sure to have the maximum chances of success. I plan before moving forward. Although going full force forward blindly might benefit you, I always prefer to plan at least a bit. I know this might lead to over-thinking, but I'm willing to take the risk – Hawker65 Apr 4 '18 at 8:22
  • I might follow up if I get the occasion, but it's not very probable judging by the current situation. For now, it's just as you said for "personal pleasure"/confidence boost. – Hawker65 Apr 4 '18 at 8:23
  • 1
    I just want to ask her if she had a crush on me without "scaring" her by being asking too brutally. – Hawker65 Apr 4 '18 at 8:41
1

I've been out of the dating scene for a long time now. However, one thing that I would do, were I to jump back into that particular pool, would be to stress less about asking someone out.

Think about it: you're not asking for lifetime commitment- you're just asking for them to spend some time with you. They can either approve or deny your request and how you stay in relationship to each other is up to you.

Rather than overthinking things and hoping, the first step is to accept that there are one of 3 possible outcomes: she will say "no", she will say "yes" and you'll discover that it wasn't that enjoyable for one or two of you, she will say "yes" and you both enjoy the time.

So. Now that we've simplified the possible outcomes, let's look at how to get to the one you hope for. If it were me, now, asking a girl out, I'd first select something that I enjoy and something that I think she will enjoy. Then it's a matter of saying "Hey, I'm going to the home and boat show this weekend. Wanna come with?" "I was going to go the range and do a little target practice. Interested?" "A couple buddies are playing 'Campaign for North Africa'. Feel like commanding an army?" "I was going to go to the State Park and hike out to the beaver dam. Feel like being outside for a couple hours?" Now you're inviting her to do something you were going to do anyway and the pressure's off. Even if she doesn't enjoy it, you will, so you can get to 2 of 3 possible outcomes.

Sure, you're direct, but you're direct about inviting her along to something you already had planned. If she says "no", you're still going to do something fun and you're not as invested emotionally. And she can say, "sorry, I'm not interested in boats/shooting/games that last 1500 hours/large rodents" and she's turning down the activity and not YOU.

  • The thing is, she is at the other side of the country so actual dating is hard, hence the online-interaction tag. However, this is very good advice that you are giving me her in terms of dating. – Hawker65 Apr 3 '18 at 14:45

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.