TL;DR: I find one of my coworkers attractive but I know it'll pass over time. I don't want to engage in anything with this coworker, I'm just waiting for the end of the crush. I think I should tell my boyfriend because my vision of honesty tells me it's the right thing to do. How can I explain this to him and assure him I'm faithful in the meantime?
When I was younger I read the story of a woman who had been married for ten years (she met her husband at the age of 16 and got married at age 20, or something like that). In her testimony, she was explaining that remaining with someone you've met at such a young age for such a long time needed concessions. She talked about the importance of sincerity, and she said that any time she or her husband had doubts about their relationship, were having a hard time or simply were attracted to someone else, they just told the other one, even if it could hurt, even if it could end in an argument.
I am in a monogamous relationship with my boyfriend, we promised fidelity to each other and we have common plans for the future (we already concretized some of them, for instance we adopted a shelter cat and it feels to us like we had a child together).
I recently began a new job and I'm not insensitive to one of my coworkers (both about his beauty and his personality). I know these kind of things happen and I am not worried, for I know it happens and it also goes. I do not want anything to happen with this coworker, I'm just waiting for this crush to end. I'd like to stress the fact that this does not prevent me from loving my boyfriend, in fact he's the man I want to marry and I have no problem with the idea of spending the rest of my life with him. The thing is, I recently thought about this woman's testimony and I began to wonder if I was faithful to my boyfriend by not entrusting my crush for another man to him.
I'd like to tell my boyfriend about this because I do not keep many secrets from him and I don't want to hide it from him, even if this crush doesn't change anything about my feelings for him or my behavior towards him. How could I address this crush with him while ensuring my faithfulness?
Based on all things specified in comments:
- I'm not asking for help to "forget my coworker". I specifically stated that I know it'll pass, because these things happen, don't they? I'm asking for help to gently approach the issue with my boyfriend, to tell him I find someone attractive without making him believe he's not good enough for me, that I'll cheat on him or leave him.
- If my coworker would make any move towards me, I'd not answer it. I love my boyfriend and I promised faithfulness to him, and I want to stay with him.
- It happens oftentimes that my boyfriend tells me he finds a woman beautiful while we're crossing the street. I'm not at ease when he does this because I'm not confident about my own beauty, but we both consider it is natural to be attracted to somebody else, both mentally and physically. I'd like to emphase the fact that I'm not bothered by the fact that he tells me, I'm bothered by my lack of self-confidence. I on the other hand don't tell him when I see someone attractive, because this is not a habit of mine.
- We're both in our mid-20s and in France, we've been together for two years, I'm his first relationship and I've known people before him but he's my longest and most serious relationship.
How it went
Some of you asked me to tell you how it went. Actually, the way I did approach the issue isn't very reproducible: Bob knows that I'm quite active on IPS, and so I told him I've asked this question and that I was amused and impressed by the number of responses I got from it. This joke gave a chance to open up the dialogue on whether he'd like to know when I find someone attractive (because as I said many times, we both consider these things happen, even when engaged in a relationship). This conversation ended up very well: I knew after that what he'd like to know or not, and I had the opportunity to let him know I'm not at ease when he comments my friends' attractiveness. However, this worked because we have an "open" relationship, where we can freely speak of mostly anything, and I'm aware that this isn't very common. If it's not your case, I'd recommend to refer to Daniel's excellent answer, or to OldPadawan's very good piece of advice if your SO has a sense of humor allowing such kind of jokes.
I'd like to thank you all for your (sometimes very creative) answers. I've learned a lot from all of you (especially when we disagree ;) ).