Initial question

For my first work, I recently moved from the town I studied in. As I currently don't know many people of my age in my new town, I joined a group on a social network where new inhabitants can post to find new acquaintances, usually including age, hobbies and so on in the description. Recently, I stumbled upon the post of a person with similar hobbies, so I wrote to her:

If you're interested, we could meet in the upcoming days

to which she replied

Sounds great!

Following up her message, I said that the current week is very busy for me, so I would prefer to meet the next week or weekend and asked when she would have time for this.

This conversation happened 48 hours ago, and the network messaging system is conveniently telling me that she saw message almost instantly, but I still have no answer.

What I want is to make sure that it is normal to take her this long, or if not, how I can resume the conversation with her.

Thanks in advance for tips - I am not the greatest at interpersonal stuff, that is why I ask here (and why I want new acquaintances in the first place!)


I have decided that I want to push further, as even more time has passed now, i.e. I want to reinitiate the conversation with her. I am troubled by her stopping answering me all of a sudden and I would like to meet and get acquainted with her, but I don't know how to tell her this. I do not want to sound harsh or pushy.

What can I do/say in attempt to reinitiate the conversation with her?

A few additional information about me: I live in Germany and am in my mid-twenties.


1 Answer 1


Unfortunately this is a very common phenomenon in the times of online social interaction. It is called ghosting. This Link talks a little bit about it, more in the context of dating but it also applies to friendship.

In my personal experience there is not too much you can do. Also to my personal experience 90% of this ghosting happens when it gets serious - when you try to set a specific time and date to meet.

If you want to keep a good spirit, try to assume good intent and that she read your message but did not answer you because she is not really clear on her schedule yet. Sometimes it takes some time writing a good reply to someone you care about.

Just a friendly ping like:

Hey, just wanted to check if all is well with you. If you still want to meet someday, I´d be nice if you text me so I´ll know I have not been ghosted. :)

Should work. If you get no reply, forget her and move on! It´s nothing personal, but she is not ready!

Some general advice: Do not to pay too much attention to who read what message when - you don´t know the other persons personal lives and it takes lees time to tap on a message to mark it as read then to process it emotionally and come up with an answer. As long as you have not met in real life, you have no idea what kind of person you are really dealing with. Your mind fills the void with all kinds of doubt´s to why there´s no answer.

What helps me to stay cool with all this, is to treat it like a little game. Like a session of online chess - sometimes you loose, but it´s no big deal, the next one is waiting...

  • In some cases a person may read a message, but the messaging app doesn't register it as read. For instance, reading through a notification without opening the app, or closing out of the app too early.
    – gparyani
    Apr 12, 2018 at 10:35
  • 1
    Last paragraph?
    – gparyani
    Apr 12, 2018 at 10:38
  • Really appreciate your answer. As you suggested, i will probably try a "ping" once and then See what happens. I am quite shy when it comes to new acquaintances, so committing to even write some stranger is quite the act for me, and getting let down after an initial "okay!"-message is even worse then. I will have to learn to cope with it eventually.
    – Pharguin
    Apr 12, 2018 at 14:42
  • @Pharguin: I can very much relate. The first time I experienced this, it took me half a year to try again. The game thing helped me. You can also try to see it as a little social expermient. I don't mean that in a bad way. Anything that thakes the seriusness out of it for you until you get to form a real relationship.
    – user6109
    Apr 12, 2018 at 18:41

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