First of all, I come from India, from a place where depression is not at all recognized as a disease. I have never met or heard a person from my place even mention the word "depression"
Anyway, moving on to the matter. I really do not know if I suffer from depression or not. I took 2 or 3 online tests for depression and all the tests have come out positive. I am pretty ashamed of it and I do not know how to talk about it with my family. To top it, all entrance exams are coming up and my family and everybody else I meet just stresses on my exams. I used to do well in studies but nowadays I am like extremely poor in studies and am feeling hopeless and I feel that I won't be able to get anywhere in life.
I have read about depression on the Internet and it says that I need to see a doctor. The problem is that I don't know if we have a doctor here that looks after that sort of problems, and even if there is one, since I am still in school I can't go without anybody knowing about it.
I have tried talking to my mom :
Me : " Mom, I feel sad all the time and I feel anxious about what my life will turn out to be".
Mom: "Just don't worry sweetie, just pray to God and all your anxiety will be gone".
Me: (After a while I start crying after a lot of comforting words)
Mom: (A bit angry) "You are just overreacting and you are just wasting your time by crying. Now instead of wasting your time go and do something useful. You know very well that you have only these many days left before your exam. Just pray to God. Why don't you do that?"
Me: (in my mind ) "God, please help me deal with this.." But a voice inside my mind asks me "Do you even deserve that? You are not worth anything. You are just better off dead."
This is just an example and I would like to highlight that this is not exam stress since I have been like this for about a year now. Whatever I try to do a voice inside me just makes me feel alone. How do I deal with this?
If there isn't any way that I can solve my issue without having to consult any doctor, then how do I confront my family about these issues? I have tried but if I just tell them, they just laugh it off or maybe even ask me what that means?