Context: I'm a 26 years old South American, and up until mid last year I lived with my parents. In June I moved countries (7,000 miles) because of work and now I live alone, and so far I very much enjoy it. My parents visit me every now and then because they can get cheap air tickets. I've also been visited by my sister, who has no intention of coming any time soon, and my aunt.
The only time my aunt came to visit me she stayed 2 weeks in my apartment, and for me it was not a nice experience. My aunt is a widow and she has problems with her only daughter, and this makes her unpredictable. E.g. the first night she stayed she started crying a bit over dinner because she'd have liked her husband to see my home. And I just froze because I never know what to say to comfort her. The whole 2 weeks I was with her I needed to watch my every word because I feared something I said would make her remember her problems with her daughter. It was mentally draining. I never ask her questions about her life because I fear it will spark a tantrum, but she brings up the subject in passing at very random times.
So to summarize, I would very much like for her not to come back, or at least not for two weeks.
Problem: my aunt has made it clear that she wants to come back, and she's already SMS'ed me twice asking 'if we can have a video call". She doesn't want to explain via SMS why she wants to call me, but I'm 99% sure it's because it will be harder for me to say no to her face to face (she is slightly manipulative). So far I've avoided her requests.
I also feel a bit angry that she's "inviting" herself. Granted, when she left the first time, she asked if she could come back and I said yes because I didn't think she'd want to come back (it's an expensive trip). And also because, well, how do I say "no" to her face?
Question: how do I avoid conflict with my aunt when I tell her I don't want my house to become her vacation getaway? She seems to make all these plans around it, like going on a road trip and such, and I've already told her I don't want to do that.
I feel like if I tell her "no"...
- I'm being awfully selfish, because I would only have to take her for a week, and she looks like she could use some company to distract her from her problems
- she'd probably resent me
- she'd be confused as to why my parents can come any time they like and she cannot (it's because I get on well with them)
But at the same time: it's my life and I should be the one to decide who I share my house with.