I'm part of a tabletop RPG (roleplaying game) group, and I also happen to be the host, the organizer and the game master (read: the one who runs the game) of our weekly games.
I got asked to help organizing some RPG event for a local comics and games fair, and one of the ideas was to bring my local RPG group to the event, running one of my games there so that people can take a look.
Unfortunately, one of my players is so used to utter profanities¹ and to label every enemy female character "the bi#@£" or "the wh&$%" that I can't trust him to behave.
I have already contacted the other players in a separate chat, explaining them that I still didn't ask the guy because if nobody could come I didn't want to tell anything to the guy. Let's suppose they can.
What's the best strategy to politely tell him that it's best if he skips the game, without him holding a grudge?
It is possible that he might not be able to be there because he's busy. Is it more effective to inquire if he's busy first?
Is it more effective if I tell him in private, or together with the official announce to the rest of the group?
Note: Someone in real life suggested me to let him partecipate, with the caveat that he must stop playing and go home if he misbehaves. I think I might do this, even if it means a chance of moving the resulting drama to the event. Still, I'd like to know what's the better approach before this point.
1- The Italian language has this special kind of blasphemous profanity that is way harsher (and therefore stigmatised) than your usual profanities.
The local culture is weirdly OK with such blasphemies being used in informal contexts, expecially by people with a low upbringing: cursing this way is considered liberating by many, many old people utter a profanity at the end of every subclause just because, youngsters do it to feel like rebellious grown-ups, raging people shout 'em at the top of their lungs to appear more intimidating, and even milder people sometimes use blasphemy to express sudden pain or high levels of frustration, as an expletive.
Weird, I know, but I wanted to state very clearly that this guy is not some sort of madman because he curses.
His problem is that he is so engrossed in this culture that he has problems behaving normally.
He's not alone in the area, but of course this doesn't excuse him from behaving at formal events.