How to contact to partner after breakup who does not want to talk [closed]

Question

My partner broke up with me few days ago and it is very surprising and devastating for me. For last 6 months we were in a great relationship and everything was going good. So, a little bit about the history:

I met her through a matrimonial website through both our parents, and we were trying to understand each other and it was going great until last two weeks.

Recently, I have been very busy and, because of stress, I had a rather bitter conversation with her and argued over a few things which are very important for her. After the heated conversation I did not talk with her for 5 days. When I called her to say sorry, she said she thinks we are not compatible and should see other people.

I can not get over it. I feel she is saying this because she must still be upset. We both have invested a lot of time in the relationship and I do not understand how just one argument in just one week can break such a nice relationship.

I want to know after what time should I contact or try to contact her so I explain my situation and clarify my behavior. She is a very nice lady and I do not want to lose her.

I have been born and raised in India but I follow my traditions and customs loosely; She was born and raised in the US with mix of both Indian and Western culture.

Answer 1

The lesson you must learn from this experience is that you can only control your own actions, not those of other people.

You could have controlled yourself differently during the "heated" and "bitter" conversation you had with her. It would seem that your actions during this are what has led to the current situation.

You cannot force her to speak to you if she does not want to. You can try to rectify the situation as best you can, but you must accept her final decision on the matter.

The time you both invested in the relationship was really time spent getting to know one another. If that has led to the discovery that you don't deal with disagreements particularly well, then it was not time wasted. I'm not making you out to be the bad guy here, but rejection is a bitter pill to swallow. You are finding it hard to accept the rejection because you think you should be able to get over this disagreement, but evidently she does not think the same! And if you don't think the same on important matters then perhaps you are not compatible (and by "important matters" I mean how you deal with arguments, not the subject of this particular disagreement, which may be irrelevant).

You have said in your question that there were mitigating factors influencing your attitude during that discussion, such as stress. I take that to mean you regret the way you dealt with it. Therefore, what you must communicate to her is an unequivocal apology for your actions, and mean it. If in fact this is the way you often deal with disagreements then don't fool yourself or her - you either need to tackle your own behaviour first before you look for a relationship, with this girl or someone else.

Answer 2

You say everything was going great between the two of you, but you also say that you had a bitter conversation with your partner and argued on things that are important for her. Could it be that your relationship was not as good as you thought it was?

I think if she decided to end the relationship you should wait for her to contact you when she wants to. Problem is that might never happen if she is sure of her decision. I would suggest not calling her but writing a letter or an email in which you clarify you behaviour as you want to do. You can end the letter or email saying something that now you will not try to contact her and wait for her to do so if she want to discuss it.

By writing instead of calling or meeting up, you leave your former partner the choice of not giving and answer right away - or even not at all - and give her the opportunity to think about it before talking to you again.