My mother does not approve of my boyfriend.
To provide context - my boyfriend worked with my Mother. She was the executive of the company. I referred my current boyfriend(back then he was my friend) to the company. They hired him. After he started working there we started dating each other. For various reasons, he was not able to perform well on the job. This was in the first 6 months of the job. And stupid me back then kept telling him that if he is not going to perform in his job then I would leave him. Lot of drama and stress happened for 1.5 years. We broke up twice.
He quit the company after 1.5 years and we broke up too. After 6 months, it was very hard for me to reconcile why I broke up with him. We have been steadily going strong.
My Mother is dominating determined woman. She keeps telling me that he is not the right person for me. He is not ambitious, he is not driven etc.
My boyfriend is more of the zen kinds. He does not believe in burning himself out on the job. He has worked for great companies. He is extremely smart and has got great grades throughout his childhood. The company he worked for above was his only down period.
My Father has been unwell for almost 18 years now and for most of my adolescent and adult life my mom has been very close to me. She has been my biggest support and I share everything with her. I am the only kid and I have no siblings. My mother in some ways is materialistic. She believes in the "brand" of things. Like which school did he graduate, where is he working, is he the director of xyz ... And my boyfriend is not that. He has done extremely well, but he is not the director and neither does he aspire to.
Current context Recently my boyfriend was visiting me and I had to tell my Mother(because she suddenly planned a trip to visit me). So, when I told her my boyfriend is visiting me for few weeks she completely flipped out. She started saying that I don't like him, I don't approve him etc. We spoke only for ten minutes but it was emotionally very exhausting.
I have been working with my Mother from the past 2 years on this. I have been trying to tell her that its my decision and my life. I will decide whom I date, when I want to get married and whom I want to get married to. She seems stuck and does not get past it.
What is the best way to handle a deadlock situation like this? I do not think she will change her mind about him. I have come to terms with that now. I think she keeps saying all those things(where she puts pressure) with me, because she feels that I will break up with my boyfriend - That is not going to happen!! I am committed to him and I don't think her disapproval is a reason for me to break up. I have tried in the past and it does not stick.
I want to add why I like my boyfriend. He is a great partner. I am inspired by him. I learn a lot from him. He is lovable, caring and honest. He is the person I want to be with. I have known him for the past 8 years and we have been together on-off for the past 5 years - with past 2 years being more stable. I have no reason to walk away from him.
As previously iterated how does one handle a situation of this kind? I feel extremely frustrated and helpless.
Any help would be appreciated. I understand that this is a common situation when parents don't approve of their children's partners but being the only child and my father being unwell puts a lot of emotional stress on me to be a good child. My Mother has done a lot for me and I feel have a lot of gratitude in my heart. She is the best Mother I can ever ask for. She has brought me up to be a strong, independent woman. And now I feel she is taking all this power away from me. She is not trusting me. I understand she comes from a place of concern but if there is one decision I want to make for my life - it would be this.
Thank you for your time and patience!