I like forming friendship groups with people from the internet, in friendship web pages or similar, and I like them to be mixed with a similar percentage of women and men.

But there's a problem with this, making a woman to join the group is waaaay harder than making a man to join, easily I've to send 7 times more messages to women so the same number of men join.

This gets tiring some times, apart from wasting my time, specially if I try to build the group with a certain characteristic shared by all members it can become a titanic effort; they are free not to answer me if they aren't interested in a friendship group, as some men do, but I'm pretty sure that most that don't answer me is because they think my proposition for the group is just so I can flirt with them.

The latter is proved further sometimes when they start asking more questions to ensure that the group exists and in some cases where they looked somewhat interested when I've asked their phone number to join a whatsapp group so it's easier to maintain contact they suddenly stop talking to me.

Right now I send the messages in a neutral tone just talking about wanting to make the friendship group which their objectives would be and if they are interested in joining it.

I think this situation cannot be helped, but maybe I'm missing something that could make them less suspicious or even if they are that they would think "even if I give him my phone, I could easily block him if he upsets me, so there's no point in saying no if I'm interested in trying a friendship group, for God's sake".

How could I better invite these women so that they understand what the invitation is (and isn't) and that encourages them to feel more at ease in joining?

Edit: I'm explaining things better due to Ash request.

I mean a group to be friends, in which we get to go to places, or share a similar hobby or something like this. Yes, making friends, specially making them in a way where our friendship is likely to be more possible, as I look if we have similar hobbies or the like. I'm messaging strangers, with friendship web pages I thought it was clear.

Edit: I'm explaining some other things due to Imus answer.

I wouldn't call myself a random stranger, I ask women who are in friendship pages where they clearly state that the wish to have a friendship group, I'm offering them an opportunity to do so. If they aren't willing to trust even giving a phone number, how are they going to make friends if they distrust that much? Why they even bother registering on the page?

Also when they are finally on the group the first places I propose to go are always ones in the most crowded areas of the city, so they have no point of being suspicious.

I like more a mixed ambient in a friendship group, and as I'm the one who's building it, it's fair to do it the most of my liking as possible.

  • 2
    What do you mean by a friendship group? What is the intended point or goal here? To make friends with new people? Are these women you know, or are you messaging strangers?
    – user75
    Commented May 8, 2018 at 23:44
  • 1
    Asking "Any idea what could be done?" is not really a good fit for this site. Fortunately I think your goals are clear enough so I took the liberty of editing. Because of my edit however, I think that a specific example of what you tried before and how it didn't work would really help your question. (If the edit is not as intended feel free to change it back)
    – Jesse
    Commented May 9, 2018 at 0:15

3 Answers 3


In that case, how about extend the invitation to their friends as well in the conversation?

Hi there, I have created a group for people who have interest in this XX hobby. Would you like to join? You may also ask your friends along to join with you as well!

People will feel safer and more assured if they know they are allow to bring their friends along.

And since you enjoying organize such events, maybe you will want to setup a public/private Facebook group? In this group, you could also share photos of the past events that you have organized. So when approaching the ladies, you could also share the Facebook group link with them.

You may check out this Facebook group which you can see the past events where we all have gathered. There's no obligations to join, but do give it a thought!

Somehow, this shows the enthusiasm you have in gathering people of the same interests, and is likely genuine instead of leading them to think you are trying to flirt with them.

It might be quite intimidating to provide one's number even though he/she could block you. So if you did try the Facebook approach, you may do constants updates on the Facebook group. When people started to express interest and started participating out, give them choices if they want to be part of the Whatsapp group.

P.S. Facebook is just an example that I thought could be a good and easy platform to start out. You may leverage other social media platform depending which one is comfortable for you.


Just to see if I understood you correctly:
You're a random stranger from the internet that goes around chatrooms/friendship pages/... asking girls for their number and you want to not sound like those bad people everyone is telling kids (and especially girls) to avoid?
I'm actually amazed that some of them do give you their number.

Instead of focussing on how to earn the trust of total strangers enough for them to give you their phone number, I would first take a look in alternative communication solutions that don't require such a "big" step.

If you invite them to a group on facebook/discord/... the step is a lot smaller. If they don't trust it they can just leave the group again and "those creepy people in it" can no longer stalk them. That way the entry level is a lot lower.

Assuming you actually do have the right intentions Yoshiaki had a great point on asking her (hopefuly female) friends to join as well if they have the same interest. Not only does this greatly lower the creep factor (/flirting assumption) but has the added bonus of having more potential female members to join you.

Lastly I want to point out that you may be overly fixated on having roughly equal numbers of males and females. I'd say this depends A LOT on what the group is for. For example, if you were to start a knitting group I'd expect it would take you a lot more effort to find interested males instead. Not that there's anything inherently wrong with a knitting man but well... good luck :p

Is it really that important to you to have that many females if you're really not intended to start romantic relationships in those groups? If I were to join a paint-ball group with a bunch of horny teenage boys I'd actually prefer if there were no girls at all so we can actually have great paintball matches instead of fighting over who gets to "protect" that "weak" girl. Not that the girl is weak or needs protection but we all know that's how the stereotypical teenage boy will act in such a situation.


When women get messages from unknown men, it is a flirt attempt most of the times. I do not think there is a way of asking them for their phone number immediately without them thinking he wants to hook up. Same goes for meeting in real life. I suggest you try to write with them casually for a few weeks before asking them for their phone number. If you can mention a reason why you are reaching out, e.g. "I am new to the city" your contact attempt will be more successfull. If lying is not a problem you can mention being gay or having a girlfriend, ideally in a subtle way.

However most women will still decline, because they do not have time or they do not trust strangers from the internet. I think going to a existing group e.g. a sports club or whatever you are intrestes in is a better way of forming a new group of friends.

  • 4
    I don't actually like the lying bit in this answer because 1) it is not necessary 2) the lie will come out (easy lies like this possibly just by googling) 3) if you are lying about that then surely you are also lying about not wanting to flirt and/or get in my panties?
    – GretchenV
    Commented May 9, 2018 at 13:02
  • I admit this is a tricky part, but I think (at least this is my expereince) if you get to know someone in real life and have fun, most people do not mind the lie, because they realise it is just a group of friends. Of course this is only true if you do not start to flirt or being creepy at the meeting, otherwise your lie will be perceived as trapping. Commented May 9, 2018 at 13:23

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