I have been in a relationship for 2 years and for the most part I am very happy. My boyfriend, lets call him Max, is a very sweet and thoughtful person and we get along very well. However there’s been one point of tension in our relationship. Lets call her Stephanie.
When Max and I started dating, he was best friends with Stephanie. He talked about her all the time and it spiked my insecurities. Stephanie made it worse because she frequently got very personal with him(hugged him constantly, played with his hair, ate off his plate without asking, comment on his physical strength or appearance, monopolized his attention). It really made me feel uncomfortable.
I mentioned how I was feeling jealous to Max and at first he got very defensive. He assured me that they were just friends. As we talked about how we felt, I think we began to understand each other. And since then I think he has been more sensitive to how I am feeling when the three of us are hanging out. Like I said, he is awesome. She, however, still seems to flirt with him a lot.
That was two years ago. Since then Stephanie got herself a boyfriend and Max and Stephanie grew apart. They still hang out occasionally but not as much as they used to.
Here is the current situation. Max’s company just offered a new position. He told me about it and it sounded amazing but I couldn’t quit my current job. Stephanie found out about it and she applied. Now Max is helping her prep for the interview and I think she is going to get the job.
This really upset me. It upset me much more than it should have. I trust Max completely and I respect his friendship with Stephanie but the idea of them spending all day everyday together at work makes me feel uncomfortable and I don’t like it. The thing is I have no idea what I can do to make myself more okay with the situation.
I have always felt that being direct and communicating how I feel is the best approach. How can I communicate to either Max or Stephanie so that they know how I feel, with the expectation that they tone down the flirtatious behavior?