Around 8 months ago I met a friend who has a very similar perception as I have in regards to having autism and Asperger's. Since this friend was multiple years ahead therapy-wise, I learned a lot from that friend about myself.
One thing I learned was that apparently neurodivergent persons have no real relation to strangers while having a great willingness to give and sacrifice a lot for those close to them. Much more than neurotypicals usually would/can commit to (or sometimes even want to receive).
The problem here is neurodivergent people can't empathize with neurotypicals and vice versa. So my scope here is as limited as anyone's.
So since this commitment1 isn't usual, as I know now, I can empirically understand that I never will get back what I want to give. This was the main reason for ALL my relationships failing, as I got so jealous since all the little things I expected as a matter of course, were never returned and I didn't feel wanted.
Even as I realized that it was me making our commitments and bonds too strong and not the others making them too loose, it didn't stop the emotional pain, as the awareness of this sadly doesn't change the emotions of promise and the following disappointment. This made me get to a point where I decided with myself not to expect anything from anyone any more.
I've been going this way for 3 months now already and this has prevented almost any disappointments in this time frame. But I also realize I'm starting to not care about friends any more. I was a very loquacious person, but I just start getting bored, asking myself "Does it even matter, speaking up now? I won't be understood anyway." And that's definitely also not where I want to go.
As a neurodivergent person that is committing a lot for their friends and emotionally expecting this to be returned, how can I handle the fact that this commitment won't be returned?
I would like the answers to be backed up by approaches of others in similar situations or of experiences made with someone in my situation.
1An example: taking a 30 minute drive in my car just to bring a friend a 1€ snack he mentioned he would like to have, but didn't have the time to go pick one up.