My mum has always wanted me to have short hair - a short bob or a pixie cut. When I was little, I had little choice in the matter. The teachers at school addressed me as a male, classmates didn't want to play with me because I was "odd", but a short haircut was what I had.
Seventh grade I made a huge scandal at my mum's hairdresser, and since then I've been growing out my hair. Nowadays I'm 30, and my hair is curls that go to my waist (or to below my hindquarters if I gently pull on a strand to stretch it to its full length). I love my hair. I'm not very confident about my appearance, but my hair is the one thing I think is beautiful.
My mum, however, still thinks I should get a pixie cut. She misses no opportunity to say that my hair is "a mess", "a bird's nest", that it makes me look "unsophisticated" and "like a dirty hobo". Also that I "waste" a huge amount of time taking care of it, where a pixie cut is much easier and faster to wash etc.
I have tried telling my mum how I feel about my hair, and how her comments are really unpleasant to me. She waves it off as "bullshit". My little brother (19) has told her more than once that he is uncomfortable with how she treats the issue. No results. She's right, I'm wrong, it's for my best, eventually I'll realise it and get a pixie cut like she says.
I've also tried mentioning how my grandma always tells my mum that she's fat, and asked my mum whether she finds it pleasant. My mum's response? "But she's right"! (She's European size 42 - not fat at all.)
Overall my mum and I are quite close. We do "girls vacations", she asks my advice about things about as often as I ask hers, generally we agree on things, I drop by to visit my parents about once a week + family outings. But the comments about my hair are always there, especially around special occasions, or when I tell her I'm going on a date - when I'm trying to look my best.
How can I communicate to my mum that her comments hurt me, a lot? How can I also explain that my pain is not "bullshit", and that hurting me is not "for my own good"?