I'm living in a flat with another guy. We are both in our mid 20s.

He recently invited a few people over. While I know, that I could always join, I didn't feel comfortable doing so without getting an explicit invitation. (I'm kinda afraid of being unwelcome, even though I know I wouldn't. That's why I need those explicit invitations.).

He then asked me, why I didn't join. I always feel uncomfortable to answer this, as I would've actually liked to join, but just didn't dare to. Me not joining might actually be kinda weird and unexpected from me.

What can I answer, that does not make it look like I'm disappointed he didn't directly invite me, but also shows I would've liked to join.

Right now I usually just don't answer at all or shrug it off which doesn't feel appropriate at all.

EDIT: One thing that I forgot to mention is, that our relationship is very good, I would even call him a friend, not just a flatmate.


I would respond with something like:

I know that these are your friends and not mine, and I'm not sure how exclusive you wanted the get together to be. I figured it'd be a safer bet to stay in my room while you guys were hanging out--I had some work to get done anyways, so it's no worries. If you want me to join you next time, just ask!

It sounds like the way you and your flatmate view the situation are very different. He sees the get together as something you should join automatically since you're living together while you feel like it's his get together and you don't want to interrupt.

I've found that in situations where my way of thinking is very different from someone else's, the best thing to do is be straightforward and honest.

Your flatmate isn't judging you for not joining or insinuating anything, he's probably genuinely curious why--when he had people over and you were there--you didn't immediately join in.

I think there are three main points you want to get across when answering his question:

  1. The reason you didn't join
  2. That there are no hard feelings, you're not upset that you didn't get invited or join
  3. That if he wants you to come next time, he should explicitly invite you

My above response gives an example incorporating all three of these (one in each sentence, in that order).

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