I'm a 25 years old, Brazilian, programmer, living alone for 5 years now. I acknowledge some bad traits that I have such as excessive laziness, huge need for hours of sleep, very connected to money, addicted to games and YouTube (I could spend hours watching a lot of random videos).
Over the years, I find myself unwilling to connect with others' feelings and sometimes my own. I don't have a strong bond with family, I do not speak with my father (for neglect reasons), I don't have a friendship relationship with my brothers (one older and one younger) and just speak with them in family meetings.
My only connection with my family is my mother with whom I speak weekly and see two times a month max. My friends are present but we all have adult lives so we see each other once every two months or so (communication is present via WhatsApp but always small talk).
The daily communication and interaction is with my girlfriend. We have over 4 years together, and we have a lot of history (good and bad), and things are often (not always) in a "shaky" state. We communicate, chat daily and hang out every weekend, but I can say a fight occurs once a month, and it can be small and we resolve it in the same day, or it can be huge and we spend days not talking to each other, or fighting 3 days over the same thing.
I've begun group therapy, with 2 professionals and 1 member, and often I find myself not being able to connect with the other member's feelings, or even my own. I often use words like "good", "bad" - and that's it. Sometimes my mother calls me and cries about her poor quality of life and I can't connect with her. My girlfriend said to me that sometimes she feels alone with me, or not supported. But despite my efforts, I can't seem to connect with anyone feelings. I don't feel sorry, don't feel bad for them, don't feel happy for them.
That is starting to annoy me so much, mainly for the fact that I give everything I got at my work and often feel exhausted at the end of the day, not having attention for nothing other than something that I can be distracted by (games & YouTube). Sometimes this leads to fights with my girlfriend or my friends saying that I "vanish"...
I've done some research and at the therapy we came to a conclusion that I might have alexithymia, and this affects all my relationships. But I don't know how I can say this to my girlfriend or my friends/family in a way that does not seem like a excuse.