So I got this situation going on:
My sister is going to get married and doesn't want my father to escort her to the altar. She wants me to do it. My father has been told that he shall not escort her, and since then he's been holding a grudge and has been threatening to "sabotage" the wedding so my sister won't have any fun at it.
The relationship between my father and us (his children) is not the best. Even now he often ruins family meetings for at least 1 person without really noticing, and seems to be pretty thin-skinned.
How can I solve this situation with the following goals?
Goals in order of importance
- Have my father attend the wedding without sabotaging it.
- Have my father accept her decision without holding a grudge.
- Not threaten him in any way to force the points above.
To answer a few questions that are not clear:
Q: Does he have an idea about why your sister doesn't want him to walk with her to the altar?
A: I am not sure if he knows all the reasons, but the biggest seems to be his look. My sister told me that she want someone good-looking to accompany her. because of this there is no way my sister would want him to accompany her.
Q: Does he feel the same as you, i.e. does he think that he has a difficult relationship with you and your sister?
A: I think he knows that the relationship is not very good, but I doubt he realizes that his actions are sometimes counter-productive.
Q: What arguments have you tried?
A: I haven't talked to him since then and I don't know what my sister used as arguments (if they even talked about it thoroughly).
Q: What arguments are you planning to use?
A: I thought about telling him that it's my sisters wedding and that it is her decision and I fully support her. Sadly I have no idea how I could get him to actually accept it and not act out on it.
Q: What should answers take into account?
A: The main goal of any answer would be the goals stated above. I am happy with any input that can help me achieve all/some of the goals.
Q: What not to advise because it won't work?
A: To tell you the truth, I have absolutely no idea. I only barely talk with my father (like once every 2-3 months for a few hours). He moved out more than 10 years ago and since then I have no participation in his life and don't know what's going on or how he changed (I am a bit introverted).
Feel free to ask any questions that araise and edit the question for language and format.