I sometimes answer rather bluntly/harshly to close friends (this includes my SO as well) over a question during our gaming session because it's either something I already answered or something that they can find because it's right in front of their eyes.
Let me give you some example, first with my best friend with whom I often play video games with. We started a game yesterday called For Honor as they released some free version of their game. To acquire the game it required to log into your Ubisoft account to add the game to your library and my friend asked me (we are far away from each other playing online) if he had a Ubisoft account to which I responded rather quickly/bluntly "How the f### am I supposed to know if you have a Ubisoft account" because I'm not his mom and clearly not keeping track of every single account / launcher my friends have.
Fast forward 3 hours when we both downloaded the game, first coop mission it's some kind of tutorial when you have to block an enemy on the left, right and top. He then asks me what he should do while I finished doing the guard tutorial and the game tells me that I have to wait for my mate to continue, I'm perplex as there is a clear objective in the top left corner telling you to do this or that which is common to most games these days. I got annoyed again and told him "Are you even looking at your screen or just asking me before doing anything?". Don't remember my exact words but something along these lignes.
For the record this happens in most games that we start playing together. This is even more annoying if I have already played a game and he has not because he'll enter follow mode and I'll just play solo with my friend following blindly (I tried running in the opposite direction of the arrow indicating the quest location and he follows) which is not fun at all. For some context my friend is a gamer he has over 5000 hours of play time spread over several games on Steam.
Another example is with my SO, we sometimes play video games and I try to be cooler about it as she clearly doesn't have my friends experience in video games, but I will often find myself getting angry at her. For example playing a game called Portal Knights where you, among other things, can craft items. We for some reason would have to craft Item X and she would ask me "How do I craft this" to which I would answer "Well you open the craft menu and look if you find the item in one of the category so you can craft it". But then we would have some other quest 15 minutes after asking us to craft something else and she would again ask me again and I would answer bluntly "Are you even searching through your craft menu ?".
I think I'm reacting like this because I personally hate to depend on people (directly I mean, by asking someone) until I absolutely have to, I mean I won't post on StackOverflow until I've look at the first 3 page of the search result and nothing comes up. I like finding stuff on my own. Plus while I'm ok to explain some "advanced" concept that may not be obvious/explained in the game tutorial, I think it's best my friends/SO find out things on their own regarding basic stuff that you can find rather easily / are explained clearly in the tutorial.
My goal is to deal with the situations described above and instead of snapping, in a preventive way convey that in one hand while I'm ok to lead the way I'd like to play with my friend and not for him(by that I mean ordering him to go here, collect that, ..) and on the other that it would be in my SO best interest to learn how to search on her own instead of having to ask me every 30 seconds how to do this or that (something like teach someone how to fish instead of giving him the fish).
My question is how do I effectively convey to my friends / SO that I would like them to be more self-sufficient when it comes to our gaming session ?
Some context : I'm a 25yo male living in France. I'm not currently under stress and these interactions don't end up in a fight but just in my friend/SO shutting down because I snapped at them.