My friend (m, 23) invited me (m, 23) to a house party and after a couple of beers he talked about a club in our city which he does not like.
He stated that the club is bad because the security kicked him out based on a dropped glass but did not prevent a rape of a women (I think the rape part is exaggerated but I wasn't there so I have no proof). Furthermore, he said that he hates the security because of that and would like to kill them with his hands, a machine gun or grenades.
I know that this story sounds rediculous, but the way he said it was serious and not meant in a funny way. I talked to his ex girlfriend (f, 21) also present at the party and she confirmed my perception of the situation. However everybody was laughing a bit but it was just because the situation was awkward. It is not the first time that he is mentioning a scenario like this and it starts to annoy me and his ex girlfriend so much that we are thinking about not hanging out with him anymore.
Additional information about his personality: He had a weed addiction, but right now he is not smoking that much (once in 2 month, maybe less), he does not feel good about himself especially what women think about his visual appearance (in my opinion his visual appearance is great, but he thinks that he is not tall enough), he has a bad relationship to his father, who expects a lot of him, while he is not able to deliver, and probably additional problems that I am not aware of right now.
After I stated the situation, I want to say that I don't think that he will do it in the near feature but I think that if he gets worse in his mental state, then there might be a possibility of him doing it.
I want to help my friend and I have these options in mind:
- I want to talk to him about his behavior and that it is not acceptable to talk like that in general or within a party group. Additionally I want to make absolutely clear that he needs to adjust his mindset towards a positive attitude. My problem with this is that I want to make my point clear without being to aggressive which would make it unlikely for me coming through to him. How can I find a good balance?
- I also want him to see an expert e.g. a psychotherapist. I already tried to gently talk him into that by showing that I understand his problem but also stating that I am not qualified to help him. How can I tackle this problem in a conversation?
it's my first question on this site so feel free to suggest tags and improvements to my question
Edit: Rephrased the list.