Background: I live in Germany and come from an eastern-european country, I am 30 and female. The man in question, let's call him Ben, is from Germany, he is 55, he recently married Alice, she's 40 and also comes from an eastern-european country (and speaks my language). Alice is a friend of my ex, through whom I met both Alice and Ben. We have seen each other only a handful of times.
So Ben is a nice guy, me and him have similar jobs, he's very considerate towards Alice and will do anything to make her happy. But he's pretty lonely since most of his friends have somehow lost touch with him (family lives and the like), he likes me a lot and wants to be friends with me. Me and his wife are passionate about the same sport where normally one needs a sports partner. So he really wants me and her to do this sport together.
The problem is, I don't want to be friends with Alice. She is totally not my type of person. She's a kind person, but - I'm sorry for being blunt - incredibly stupid. Please just believe me on this. Ben also knows this (everyone knows this). But he doesn't understand that the fact that Alice herself likes me doesn't make me like her. I don't want to go in for sports with her, sometimes that might involve going away for the whole weekend, and I most definitely don't want to spend my whole weekend with her. On the other side, I would probably like to stay friends with Ben because he is a nice person and I see that he needs a friend.
Another thought in the whole story is that I am inclined to believe that even being married Ben can't help having some romantic interest in me which might grow if I communicate with him more, which further complicates matters.
I am unsure how to handle this whole situation. So I guess I would like to ask, how could I tell Ben I can stay friends with him, but 1. with strictly no romance involved, 2. without having to communicate with his wife without him? I have told him numerous times I don't like her and why I don't like her, he doesn't understand and keeps telling me that she likes me. If all that goes wrong, I might opt for ending the whole friendship story with him altogether as well, but I really need to make it nice and not to hurt his and her feelings. Due to the same sport, I do bump into her sometimes and I don't want to cringe every time I do.
I hope I have made it clear. If questions arise, I will try to clarify.
UPDATE: I am sorry, I don't seem to see any comment button! Tried in two browsers already, previously I was able to comment posts, but now I just don't see any button=((( I will answer the questions here then:
Is alice aware that you don't like her, and why you dont like her? – yes, she very well is.
How/where/when do you interact outside of that sports thing? Is this specifically about asking him not to bring his wife to that sports thing anymore and only do the sport with you exclusively instead? – Ben does not do this sport. I communicate with him via messages and sometimes visit them. He just wants me to go in for sports with her, he knows both of us do it all the time and both of us are often in need of a partner. Visiting them is fine, I can handle her if he is there.
Could Ben be telling you he isn't interested in a friendship with you alone, that is why he is pushing you to his wife? – No, I am quite sure it's not the case. He just wants his wife to be happy and he actually thinks I will also benefit from communicating with her, but that will not be true.
UPDATE 2: For the curious: I didn't write them for a while (actually since starting this topic), Ben wrote to me yesterday and I told him I have a feeling he likes me not just a friend, so it's not the best idea for us to communicate more. He seemed to understand, so I guess that was the easiest option after all.