My SO (legal life-partnership status1) and I have been together for 6 years and bought a house together 1 year ago. He has a great paying job and earns about 3 times my salary. I have a decent pay.
When we bought the house, we decided to go for a little more expensive house and split the costs according to our salaries. That comes down to about 75% vs 25%. We logged this in our partnership agreement and have the money come from a shared account. Even 25% of those costs is pretty hefty for me, but I would have a few hundred euro left to save up a little bit, buy clothes, do sports etc so I was fine with that.
He keeps disagreeing with how much I pay for things that go beyond mortgage/electricity (like city taxes, a broken appliance etc) however, making me pay more than we agreed upon. This causes financial discomfort for me and I have had to cancel things like sport classes due to this. He is still able to fund his (rather expensive) hobbies however. On the other side, he has decided to pay for things like an expensive garden overhaul out of his own pocket as well.
He gets very defensive when I say I don't think it is fair to ask 50/50 on some things, whenever he sees fit, as our partnership document states 75/25. He will demand money as long as I have it in my account, doesn't matter if that leaves me with € 500 or € 5.
I would like to solve this as I don't think his arguments are fair. I am out of things to say to make him see my side and I would like to have a proper discussion without it escalating into a fight.
What can I say to counter his, in my eyes, unfair arguments without it turning into a fight?
1 Geregistreerd Partnerschap ("registered partnership") is a Dutch legal status similar to marriage that makes you financial partners. This means that if one ever stops paying taxes, can't pay a speeding ticket etc., then the other is accountable. I could use his last name if I wanted to. It also means that you get to set up a document with a few decisions about the partnership. In our specific case, we have set the ownership of the house we bought, and 'house costs' that come with that, to 75/25%. this means that if we ever sell the house, he will get 75% of whatever it's worth by then.