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I commute to work every day and there is a woman I talk to every day because we take the same train. I've been talking to this woman for a few months (4+). We chat for a few minutes before the train comes every day. We are both married (and I'm a woman, too), but she is a lot older than me.

I'll be going on maternity leave soon and I might change my work schedule but I'd like to keep in touch with this person.

What's a non-awkward way to exchange contact information?

  • Well... the woman is from Eastern Europe and is over the age of 35. Not sure if she would be using Whatsapp but you never know. – user1261710 Jun 22 '18 at 8:19
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I find that you have two prime options -

  • Give her your number and let her decide what to do with it from there

    If you choose this method, try explaining your situation, something along the lines of:

    "Hey, so I'll be on maternity leave soon, and my schedule may change afterward, but I really enjoy our conversations. If you want to chat via [text/call/email/snail mail/carrier pigeon], here's my info."

    This will put you at the least amount of risk for rejection, but puts your continued friendship in her hands in terms of reaching out first.

    However, I find that there is a slight downside to this method. I've found myself in the situation before where someone gives me their number but I don't know what exactly to do with it, so I end up doing little to nothing. Does this person want to just text occasionally? Do they want to call and talk? Do they want me to set up a time to meet and hang out? While certainly not everyone will feel this way, by only giving her your number and not receiving hers back, you're putting your continued relationship entirely on her. Just be cautious of that.

  • Ask her if she'd be comfortable exchanging contact information

    I find this much more preferable. It's true you run the risk of being rejected, but you'll also know up front whether or not your friendship with this woman will continue.

    You can simply say something like:

    "So I've been thinking that after I go on maternity leave my schedule may change, so we may not see each other on the train anymore. I've really enjoyed our conversations though, so I was wondering if you'd be up for exchanging numbers so we could stay in touch?"

    This explains the situation, why you're asking, and your expectation. You're putting the ball her in court for if she'd also like to stay in touch. If she says yes, great! If she says no thanks (which honestly, I'd say the risk if fairly low of due to the amount of time you've been nursing this relationship and given you are both women), that's okay too. Now you know what to expect and that you won't be hearing from her in the future (as you would be waiting if you only gave her your number instead of exchanging both ways).

    Assuming you get her number, which is the ultimate goal of this method, now you have the ability to be proactive about staying in touch. This is important since you are the one initiating the exchanging of contact info.

Putting the ball in her court by giving her your number is less of a risk of rejection, but can also leave you at a disadvantage. Asking to exchange info will reap a much higher reward, and let you continue to set the bar on this relationship that you are asking to advance a level higher (contact outside of public places).

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The simplest way is to set something up.

You're married. She's married. Know any party games or board games for 4 people? Talk it over with your spouse and find something that's fun that you think the 4 of you would enjoy doing. Then bring it up to your friend. If she thinks it sounds like fun, it will be natural to exchange numbers to coordinate the activity.

This is useful for a number of reasons. First, it keeps your spouse involved so there's no suspicion of foul play. Second, it's more than just getting this person's number - after all, getting the number isn't the goal, but rather the goal is keeping in contact. This serves that goal better than just the phone number does.

  • 2
    I like this for the fact that not only does it promote staying in contact for the duration of the maternity leave, but also has the potential to help an actual outside-of-train-transportation friendship evolve. No reason that OP shouldn't be able to guide this toward a more full-fledged friendship, and an activity is a great way to start that. – Broots Waymb Jun 22 '18 at 14:13
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A less awkward way is not to ask for the other's number and make her/him probably embarrassed but to offer yours.
The person could say "thanks I will text you sometimes", then you know the idea was not good but at least the person is not offended.

You can be direct like "here is my number, contact me if you like". Or you can mention you are going to leave, say how sad it is because you liked this conversation and ask if he/she wants to stay in contact with you. Bring in you have whatsapp or whatever else and ask if he/she would be ok to get your number.

To the edit which makes clear you both are women. Now you don't have the problem of showing too intense interest in the other woman. Asking to stay in touch is easier in this case.

protected by Community Jun 25 '18 at 17:23

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