The problem is that she always use a taunt to hurt my feelings and self esteem. There are two situation every time when I interact with my mother. Either negative or positive, there has never been a state in between which we can say a normal conversation or interaction.

About my family

My family has a stressed and unsuccessful type of environment. My father was not successful financially and is no more in this world now (RIP in 2012). Above me there are 2 brothers and a sister, she and one brother is married. I'm the youngest and the age difference between me and the second youngest brother is about 14 years, I'm 19 though. Both my brothers and my sister had a divorced in there first marriage and this I'm telling you because you can figure out the kind of family I'm living with. Unorganized and lazy, mostly negative.

Lets come to the problem, When ever I'm doing any kind of interaction with my mother she always reply in a way that is painful to accept from a mother, we can ignore friends but we can not ignore or neglect mother because at the end of the day I have to stay at home to relax.

An example. Friday morning I woke up 10 AM and told my mother that I'm going for movie with my friends, she said okay because there were other relatives in my home. When I returned from there 4 PM I sat on the sofa in the hall scrolling though my social media feed, and my relative asked - "Son, have you had lunch?" I said -"No, whats being made?"

My mother said -"Malls doesn't have lunch facility in there?"

Another example is when some times I asked my mother for some favor and she reply in an unwilling tone, I got frustrated and argued then

She taunt -"What if your work colleagues know your real personality? They will not give a bit of respect."

[I work at a part time job in an NGO with my college to earn some money.]

These are just minor examples. She used to this with my elder brother also. It seems like she can not see anyone succeeding in there life. When ever I achieve something in life, I'm afraid of telling it to my mother because I know she will taunt it someday. If I share any emotion of mine with her she taunt it too in any argument. I don't want to stay with my family, but until my college ends (3 years remaining) I have no choice. Please suggest something?


1 Answer 1


You see what you are looking for. I see your mother desiring you have a different approach. You see it as a taunt.

You cannot change your mothers approach unless you change yours. So come back with something that shows a positive response to the situation. So finding lunch in the mall, would be "I looked but everything was too expensive on my budget." Can I help you make food tonight?

Expecting parents to always deliver support, is an easy trap to fall into. Appreciating their love and support, goes a long way to making up for this dependency. My daughter has needed lifts around London a lot. It might take a few hours for me, but it is only a temporary thing, and we spend time together, which is good for both of us, and I am helping her. In return she is aware of my sacrifice, and I could choose to do other things. This helps both parties, and is not expected. As a teenager I know how much this would have helped me if my dad had been able to do this for me.

Respect needs to go both ways, but it always starts with ourselves respecting the other party and not taking them for granted. How one shows this through what you say is the first step. You will be surprised at how things change with just a few chosen words and sincere appreciation expressed.

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