I tried searching on and off for a couple days to find a question like this and much to my surprise, I was unable to find one. I found a couple about contacting old friends, but they make no mention of a fight. Or they mention lack of communication after a fight. In this specific case, the communication was severed at the time of the fight so there were no uncertain terms that the topic of the fight was the direct cause and there would be no further communication.

Here’s the story: Someone I interact with quite often (Alice) was having issues with her friend (Becky). They knew each other for roughly 8 months before things got rocky due to many personal reasons that won’t really matter for this question as many were discussed and resolved. However, one unresolved issue that Alice had was that Becky frequently talked to her like Alice was naïve. This problem was compounded by the fact that Alice knew she had more experience in the topic at hand. Becky wasn’t being intentionally insulting, though, so Alice discussed this issue with her and Becky said she’d stop.

Becky didn’t stop, though, so Alice was left to assume this is just how Becky is. At about the 1 year mark, they had a big fight about it because Becky had a couple months to change and hadn’t, and Alice called it quits.

A few months later, Alice was wondering if she made the right call. They were really good friends; almost like family after just that short while and Alice missed her presence. While they had their issues, Alice really appreciated Becky’s friendship as it is very difficult for Alice to make close friends. Alice has since stopped taking medication that likely contributed to her intolerance for Becky. It’s been nearly a year since they last spoke at this point and Alice is beyond the point of questioning if she wants to approach Becky again and instead planning to do so around a certain timeframe due to Alice’s personal situation.

My question is: What things should Alice consider when first addressing Becky in order to maximize the potential to re-establish that friendship?

  • 3
    Does Alice feel she overreacted to Becky's behavior? Would she be willing to apologize? Will it be a problem if Becky keeps behaving in the same way in the future?
    – Kat
    Jun 28, 2018 at 21:20
  • I do not know if Alice would be willing to apologize for this incident; she can sometimes be a bit stubborn. At this point in time, Alice feels that she can accept Becky's behavior due to the difference in how she views things now that she's no longer on that medication.
    – user14324
    Jun 29, 2018 at 14:39
  • I have not established whether or not Alice feels that she overreacted, but given that she's changed her mind I think it's safe to say that she feels that way in some regard.
    – user14324
    Jun 29, 2018 at 14:41

1 Answer 1


First of all, we cannot control and change people, though we can influence them, we cannot change some die hard habits and we just have to accept some people as the way they are...

Alice should consider that Becky might not want to change and accept that Becky is the way she is. Is Alice willing to apologize? Though Becky might seem at fault here, ending a friendship with a big fight is never right on both sides, and 1 side have to sometimes give in for the better of both sides.

It seems like Alice needs Becky and this is a friendship worth saving, there's a good chance Becky misses having Alice by her side too and wants to save the friendship.

Alice can definitely try contacting Becky first if she would respond and strike a conversation asking about how Becky is doing... maybe followed by asking Becky out for a talk. We do not know how Becky is now, perhaps she has learnt her lesson and changed, perhaps she is still the way she is.

Starting that conversation with Becky, keep it light, do not go into the past or whatever made them leave each other, know more about her situation, what has been happening in her life. If Becky shows sign of interests in recovering the friendship, she will keep the conversation going.

Even if their friendship patches back to like it was, Alice should be mentally prepared that Becky might still remain the way she is, which honestly can turn out annoying, but on the bright side, Becky might just be caring for Alice as a friend.

That said, this is just my personal take. It would be good to wait out and hear from others on what they have to say and suggest.

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