Preface: I am an incredibly passionate and competitive soccer player. I absolutely despise losing and I love a good physical and mental battle when playing on the pitch.
Recently, a new friend of mine started up a 5-a-side soccer session in which a group of his friends (that I had never met) would meet up and play a game for an hour twice a week. He invited me to come along as they were short one evening about a month ago and it has been a brilliant, enjoyable few weeks playing with them. (I am the youngest player at 21, and ages range up to 40 years old)
When he asked me to play initially, I mentioned to him
I take playing soccer very seriously and change into a different person playing, nothing I say while playing should be taken to heart and if you're okay with that I'd love to play
While I am generally easy-going although stubborn in day-to-day life, when playing football I have an innate need to win. Because of this, when playing on a with or against someone that doesn't seem to be interested I will vocally (and probably borderline aggressively) tell them to come on and put some effort in while playing.
Generally this is taken quite well as just me being passionate while playing, however when a new person (approx 34/35) joined the last session and I shouted to put some effort in he seemed to be quite stunned and taken aback that I had confronted him on it.
After each session we usually have a few drinks and chat about games etc that are on and I have made some great friends because of this, but this new guy flat out refused to speak to me after the game because he
didn't want to be friends with a younger person who thinks he can boss people older than him around
I tried to explain that
I had no intention of bossing him around and I'm sorry he thought that
but he did not listen and has ignored me since.
I am not worried about making up with this person as I only see him for an hour or two at soccer a week.
The general consensus of the group is for a serious game but with lighthearted fun in between. Is there a way of changing a persons understanding of what I say in an interpersonal way? The rest of the group understood what I was going to be like before I played as my friend told them what I said. Is the best way to just outright say it to a new member or is there an easier/more conventional way?
My question is How can I ensure the people I am playing with know that what I say on the pitch is not a personal attack but rather a passionate remark with no lasting intention?
Edit: Okay, a lot of people seem to think that I am being abusive to the people I am playing with. The regular crew of people that play are 100% serious and want to play to the best of their ability and it is absolutely perfect for me and we all get along great. The problem came when a new person showed up and took my 'passionate encouragement' to heart. I understand i can come across very strong (especially when losing) and I am not justifying that it's okay to give out to people. I just want to say that what I said to him was more along the lines of "Come on man you can play so much better than this, put some work in" rather than a personal insult to the man. I'm not asking for a solution to insulting someone with no consequences while on the pitch.
My solution: Thank you all so much for your answers. I guess all I need was a ton of strangers on SE to tell me that it is in fact my behaviour that needs changing and not pushing the blame to the opinion of the others I play with. I will now be making a conscious decision when playing to tone myself down and play nicer. Thank you all :D